Gimme Some Candy

ByJoCo November 14, 2006

In my continuing efforts to 1) steal good ideas from other people, and 2) amass a thousand tiny streams of tiny revenue to support my tiny cocaine habit, I’ve just rolled out the fabulous microsponsorship thingie known as Gimme Some Candy. I posted a while ago about my envy of Ze Frank who schemed this brilliant scheme to help support The Show, and he was kind enough to hook me up with the people who could give me my own version. And here it is!

You’ll see in the sidebar there is an area marked “Bananas, Monkeys, Robots.” In this area you will see all the bananas, monkeys and robots that people have bought from me (right now, there is only one sad little banana that I bought for myself). You can click the “Buy Your Own” link to post an icon and message of your choice (bananas=$5, monkeys=$10, robots=$25). That area over there will always show the most recent ten.

This is just like a donation, but it’s much more fun because you get to write WHATEVER STUPID MESSAGE YOU WANT and tens of people will see it. What a country!


Mattie says

Woo! First non-Coulton purchased banana!

Matt says

Is it just me, or does the robot look like a reel to reel tape player made out of a milk carton?

JoCo says

Um, yeah? Cuz that's how you make a robot?

Glenn says

What, no squid?

Glenn says

Incidentally, as a youth, I did make a robot out of a milk carton. Admittedly, he didn't do anything, but robotics technology was pretty new.

Matt says

I'm certainly not complaining. Worlds have been overthrown and civilizations enslaved with far less sophisticated robots. While everybody is questioning the effectiveness of cardboard robots, they're able take out the world's leadership infrustructure relatively unnoticed while keeping the overlord's milk nice and fresh.

Chris Radcliff says

I'm new to the concept, but is there some reason why robots are more expensive than monkeys? I kinda like monkeys better, myself.

Will Ross says

Robots cost more because they have flux capacitors, where as monkeys run on bananular power cells.

Bought a roh bit because slow dancin to drinking with you got me some naked hugging of the intercourse variety. Thats worth at least 25 bones.

Glenn says

I can only assume squid will be of the final rung. Maybe just above mad scientists.

Jeremy Henty says

Chris, I strongly advise you to invest in monkeys now before the impending crash in robot futures. You'll make a killing in the ensuing frenzy of speculation. The future is monkeys!

Spiff says

Looks like it's working. JC is $75 richer (as of a couple of seconds ago), and he hasn't even put out any new music. The man's a genius! ;)

Glenn says

He'd better hurry up before the monkey eats those bananas and the robots try to cyberize the monkey. Good thing there's no ponies up there.

Robot monkeys are the future. The present, of course, is giant squid.

The far future will belong to the cybersquid.

minimo says

Monkeys start at about $2000.
You can buy a floor vacuuming robot for about $100.
That makes monkeys worth more, in my book.

Fred says

You're still going to need bananas -- I'm sorry cyber-bananas -- to feed them all. You're living in a pipe dream if you think future squid can live on monkey meat alone.

It's bananas that are the true investment. Or maybe papayas.

See, now I'm confused.

Glenn says

The mad scientists will cross the monkeys with fast-breeding shrimp and jellyfish. This will sustain the cybersquid army. The last bananas and papayas will be picked by the Trader Joebot in the year 2072. Deprived of their primary nutrient, the menace of the atomic lemurs will finally die off in August of that year.

Fred says

I think it's long been established that Trader Joebot is/was/will be simply just another banana-swilling monkey in a tin suit. Whether he is/was/will be under the the thumb of the multinational corporations, or the-whatever-it-is-that-squids-have-instead-of-thumbs of the multinational squids...well, that remains to be seen. I wouldn't presume to go all Nostradamus on the issue here.

I think the point I'm making is that you can't count bananas out just yet.

Or maybe that's not the point I'm making. This is all very silly, and I'm still more than a little confused.

The important thing, if I understand this correctly, is that we give young Mr. Coulton our money. Or our robots. Whichever we have closer at hand.

Damon says

Modern Portfolio Theory and the Efficient Monkey Hypothesis tell us there is an optimal mix of banana/monkey/robot holdings that will produce the most world domination for a given level of evil-geniusness. The true challenge is to be found in calculating the covariance of banana peels and monkey poo.

Squids are considered part of the Grey (Slimy) Market and are not usually reported as part of the GDP (Gross Disgusting Playthings) or tracked in any paper other than the St. Louis Post-Examiner.

Scarybug says

I'd like Ze's candy better if he let you hyperlink the duckies. That turns it from a donation to a tiny bit of advertising without an actual annoying ad.

Aspera says

As the 11th Donor, it is my priviledge to claim the honor of the monkey that made Joco's banana disapear. The monkey says it was delicious. There are two more bananas on the board. How about two more monkeys to eat them?

Glenn says

Dammit, I made my own robot disappear.

Chris Radcliff says

Chalk one up for the monkeys, then.

Read them off, and this might be the next Internet dance craze: monkey, banana, monkey, banana, monkey, banana, ROBOT! ROBOT!

Glenn says

Nooo -- now my monkey is gone, too!

Well, they say every monkey needs alone time to eat bananas in the sunshine.

Aspera says

Half-monkey half-robot monster? That's silly Would that cost $17.50, $35 or more for the multiple monkeys used and the extra work to earn the moster certification....

Glenn says

How much for just the ruined pony?

Eric Ginsberg says

Now you really will love us 'til the monkey comes.

Amanda H. says

I will buy you a monkey, sir.
If I remember.

Ok, lemme rephrase that.
I have every intention of buying you a monkey, but most likely will not remember. Sorry. :/

Michael says

But it doesn't mean my monkey doesn't love you...