Thing a Week 35 – Soft Rocked By Me

ByJoCo June 2, 2006

I find this one a bit unsettling. The guy in this song is a total ass – his philosophy is whatever the opposite of carpe diem is. I thought the idea of someone “soft rocking” you was kind of funny when I started this, but now I think it’s just creepy and sad. I’m disgusted with the whole thing.

No bass – no time!

Soft Rocked By Me

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Carin says

Ug. that so sounds like a guy I know.

Bob says

> whatever the opposite of carpe diem is

"cede noctem" perhaps? ;)

"I use the passive voice to show how gentle I'll be." Hee hee, I love grammatical humor! :)

Barby says

Almost sounds like an ex I had only he was more rough and considered me as an object as opposed to a human. But the whole crying thing makes me go "Yikes!"

saw says

Im disgusted too....

Dave says

Did you write this after a 24-hour Dan Fogelberg binge?

jpez says


Barby says

JC, I'm sorry on behalf of everyone who's insulting your work.

bizrey says

Hmm, I don't get this one. It sounds just like -- hey! * cries *

And on my birthday too! * cries harder * ;P

Cheyenne says

It's great -- Fear not the Satire! It's just taking Tenacious D's "Hard F---ing" to the other extreme. It's the Anti-D!

Alex says

I love it, i think it's hilarious, and I can't stop listening to it. I think its a real achievement when an artist is able to make someone feel a certain emotion about the person thinking still that the person singing it is actually the person and not just an artist singing a song in 1st person and simply pretending to be the artist there singing about.

fred says

Cheyenne, good call!

I think if a little Barry White was added at the end it would be perfect.

Paul says

Haha, for some reason, my mom just adores this song.

What I'm impressed with is that you went the path of the artist and let your creativity carry the song to a form that you hadn't even considered. You do it a lot, and it always makes me giddy.

jpez says

Alex said: "I think its a real achievement when an artist is able to make someone feel a certain emotion about the person thinking still that the person singing it is actually the person and not just an artist singing a song in 1st person and simply pretending to be the artist there singing about."

Most confusing statement EVER.

Alex says

I ramble all the time, sorry about that.

Roar says

It may just be me, but I don't think this is too bad morality-wise.

Shrug. I like it.

Ben says

Whats funny is there are sensitive guys out there that are very much like that guy.

Paul says

This song made me cry... in a manly way.

In defense of Fogelberg - I saw him in concert and he CAN rock. They just don't play those tunes on the radio.

Please, JC - do a Jimmy Buffett parody. It's just BEGGING to be done and I think you're the guy to take it on.

Amanda says

I dunno, I kinda like it. It's pretty and made me laugh a couple times. Don't be hard on yourself, I liked it. And that's what really matters, of course, Whether or not I like a song.

Bob says

Paul, if you want a Buffett parody, you should check out Paul and Storm's song "Buffett Night (Tonight, I'm a Parrothead)":

Unless you yourself *are* the Paul of Paul and Storm, in which case I feel kinda silly now. :)

Ian says

Hmm.. Fogelberg uses those funkyweird chords too, and those harmonies..
I sense a conspiracy theory coming on.

Kodamakitty says

Oh man...

I was an introspective geeky kid and spent a lot of time listening to "Pillow Talk with Alan Almond," (clearly, I was a very lonely kid and this was in the 80's when Adult Contemporary was everywhere). This song is the bastard stepchild of Christopher Cross "Sailing," the aforementioned Dan Folgelberg "Longer," Chris DeBurg "Lady in Red," Stephen Bishop "It Might be You (Theme from Tootsie)," and the David Wilcox version of "Missing You." Maybe even a bit of Air Supply for good measure. It's so bad it's good!

Maybe Owen Wilson could be in the video?

Kodamakitty says

PS - I think adding bass would have completely thrown it off, so it worked out!

New Orleans says

It was well-made, for soft rock. Yyyuck! It's a funny topic, but the music is hard to enjoy. Overall, the music feels the same as that guy thinks, so it works.

ric seaberg says

i am a big fan of all your stuff jonathan. if anyone ever says anything disparaging about your tunes, they are out of their minds. r

Steve H says

Loved the song. The super-sensitive doormat creeped me out.

Chris says

Do you even know what carpe diem means anyway? I kninda am hating this song because soft rock scuks compared to real rock.

bryce says

It's true that the premise of the song is borderline creepy, but the tune is really catchy I must admit.

Terri C says

Utterly funny! I am listening to Alan Almond's Pillow Talk right now. Partly because it's relaxing (It must be built into the female psyche to respond this way to soft brush snairs and a thumpy slow bass guitar) and also because I am so fascinated by this guys gig - The intrigue, the mystique, the resonating voice. But it all makes me laugh sooo much!!
Well crafted song.

Scott Mercer says

A perfect pastiche. You are The Man.

Extremely funny concept, yet musically still extremely respectable as a pop song. Best of both worlds.

Joon (the other JC) says

Great song. I discovered your stuff through the "Still Alive" ending in Portal, but you have quickly become one of my favorite artists. Looking forward to your next show in NYC.

J. N. says

I know this is an old topic...but whoever originally posted this obviously doesn't know Jonathan Coulton at all. All of his songs are parodies. They're supposed to be somewhat unsettling...and he happens to be excellent at it.

Rock on, JC!

Cattie says

Jonathan posted it. ;)

And this song makes me crack up, for the record (no pun intended). Especially the crying part, haha.

Kenith Wood says

I'm disgusted with myself but I just became this guy. :(