PG Code Monkey By JoCo • May 29, 2006 I’ve had a couple of requests for this: here’s a version of Code Monkey without any cussing. I also cut out the crap for good measure. Comments Carin says You had to censor *that?* That makes me cry. Michael says Well, no, he didn't *have* to. But the thought is appreciated. There are some listeners whom certain words hit with almost physical force. (They don't call 'em "F-bombs" for nothing.) Sometimes the response is admittedly irrational; sometimes not (for example, where references to Deity are taken seriously, wherever they occur). And for those people I can't play certain songs. It's unfortunate, when the stumbling-block words are not critical to the piece (just as, while I thought the movie "My Cousin Vinny" was hilarious, I'll never play it for my wife because of said bombs, which made no contribution to the film)--but that's how we are. Taboos happen, and sometimes for a reason. On the other hand, it seems a shame simply to snip out two beats of the voice track, thereby making the gap obvious, when there are alternatives. I thought the "quack" in "Baby Got Back" was a highlight of the song. Cracked me up. Randy says Hey, Thanks Jonathan. Now if you'd make a PG version of "First of May" I'd be all set. That song's too freaking catchy for my own good. I find myself starting to sing it around the kids! Carin says I can see an f-bomb, but god damn and crap are...well..everywhere. If someone can't handle that, they'd better live under a rock and cut off their access to every source of media known to mankind. Paul says So here's my question, and don't take this as me belittling what you've done with the PG version, but when you bleep out 'crap,' doesn't it lead the mind to assume the bleeped out word is actually worse, thus kind of leading the censorship to have an ironic effect? It reminds me of something Jimmy Kimmel often does where he took ordinary clips and made them dirty by censoring strategically chosen dialogue. I really don't dig Jimmy Kimmel too much, but damn, this was brilliant. Kerrin says I hate to say it, but I think that has ruined the song. The words need replacing not just removing. Now it's a load of tat! Of course, that is just my opinion. Adam says I'm of two minds on this topic. While I, as a general rule, am against censorship, I do know of other songs which contain an "F-Bomb" (why can't I stop imagining Tom Jones singing that phrase?) and while I hate to admit it to myself, it *does* dampen my enjoyment of them a little. Then I feel guilty and stupid for being so affected by one word, and things spiral downwards from there. That being said, I tried listening to this new "radio edit" version of CM and find the gap in the lyrics even *more* disturbing. It just jars the flow of the song, it actually distracts from the listening experience. Admittedly, it would probably be a lot of work to re-record with new lyrics, but surely no more work than it was to delete out the words in those parts and then re-mix the track. Why not just use something like: "Code Monkey think maybe Manager Rob try writing login page himself." and "Much rather wake up, eat a coffee cake, take bath, watch 'Monk'. This job fulfilling in creative way, such a load of junk." These lines have exactly the same syllable count as the original, so they fit perfectly. Anyway, just a thought. JoCo says I did this for a couple of people who wanted a version they could play for their kids - I would have like to do something smoother but I was trying to make it all the way through my inbox. Greg Williams says Interestingly, this is what I was reading just before I came to this site: "The rudest thing you can do at work is to use profanity. That's the word from a Harris Interactive survey of 2,318 employed adults ... Fully 91 percent of those surveyed cited profane language as the rudest workplace behavior. ... (I)t makes you unpleasant to be around and can endanger your relationships as people lose respect for you. Most of all, it shows you don't have control and could even lead some to think you have a bad attitude or a lack of character. ... It also reflects on an individual's lack of maturity and inability to cope with daily aggravations." Whew! Lots to think about. (And here's another reason to drop the profanity: It's too easy. The payoff, whether the intent is humor or shock value, has been diluted to the point of irrelevance by the general coarsening of society.) Thus ends today's sermon. Please turn to page 187 in your hymnals, "O, Couldst Thou Curb Thy Tongue" ... Regarding Adam's suggestions: I agree that the gaps in the lyrics are a bit distracting, but his first "rewrite" seems forced. Simply changing the offending word to "lousy" wouldn't disrupt the flow of the song so much. I had to laugh at his "Monk/junk" suggestion, though. Now, THAT's humor! Bob says I'm more inclined to take issue with the improper nomenclature.... The thing is, the original *was* "PG". Just a "goddamn" and a "crap"; take those out and what you've really got is "G". Maybe you should call it "The Wal-Mart" version. :-) Wilson Fowlie (aka CuriousMind) says Greg, was that an online article? If so, do you have a link to it? Greg Williams says Yes, I saw it on Netscape this morning (5/30). Here's the link: http://channels.netscape.com/careers/package.jsp?floc=hp-tos-feat-b-01&name=fte/rudeattheoffice/rudeattheoffice And, by the way, I think Bob is right: The original version of the song probably was PG. The problem seems to be that PG has come to mean "just for kids" for most people, instead of indicating adult-themed words or content that parents might want to be aware of. (Try sitting young kids down to watch an old PG movie from the '80s, and you'll see what I mean. Now, of course, most kids think of a PG movie as a "baby movie.") Wilson Fowlie (aka CuriousMind) says Thank you Greg. And I second (third?) you and Bob on the terminology issue. What a buncha sticklers. Terisa Greenan says FYI from http://bbs.pearl-jam.net/showthread.php?t=12959 The "Short Form" explanation of why we have "dirty words." It all started in the year 1066. Prior to that there were no "dirty words", at least not officially. In fact, prior to 1066 the English language was spoken in its original form which was a called "Anglo-Saxon." Anglo-Saxon originated from the language spoken by the early Celtic tribes who inhabited what is today the British Isles. It was then influenced by the Romans who under Julius Caesar invaded Britain in 54 B.C. However, the Anglo-Saxon language really evolved when the Saxons, a collection of barbaric germanic tribes invaded Britain and conquered the Celtic tribes in the 9th century. It really started when the early French invaded Britain. In 1066, the Normans (a "more civilized" people who resided in Normandy â€“ which is now France), led by William the Conqueror, invaded Saxony (which is now England). On October 14, 1066, the Saxons were defeated by the Normans at the battle of Hastings and the Normans eventually took control of the entire country. It was no longer cool to speak Saxon. The Saxons were considered by the Normans to be a vulgar, crude and uncouth people. As a result, speaking Saxon eventually became looked down upon, and in some cases was even deemed illegal. The Saxon terms for basic human functions and sexual acts were considered especially inappropriate and remain that way to this very day. Saxon "dirty words" and their clean Norman counterparts. What follows are the Saxon terms (all of which you should know) and their Norman counterparts. While both words mean essentially the same thing, you should notice that we've been trained to immediately consider the Saxon word to be "dirty," while the Norman word (which means the exact same thing) is perfectly acceptable. Here's a short, but profound list: Saxon word: Fuck...(taboo!)......Norman word: Fornicate...(acceptable). Saxon word: Cock...(taboo!)......Norman word: Penis.........(acceptable). Saxon word: Arse...(taboo!)......Norman word: Derriere......(acceptable). Saxon word: Piss....(taboo!)......Norman word: Urinate.......(acceptable). Saxon word: Shit....(taboo!)......Norman word: Defecate.....(acceptable). The list, of course, goes on and on. Why the Japanese don't have "dirty words." The reason the Japanese don't have "dirty words" is because they were not conquered and occupied by a foreign speaking nation that deemed their language crude and vulgar. Many aboriginal languages are good examples of languages with no obscenities. In short - as I like to sum it up: THEY'RE JUST WORDS - GET OVER IT!! Barby says Wow. Really, what's the deal? Like Carin said, it's two words, for God's sakes. Just deal with it and stop being pussies. But JC I still think you're da man. Lashara says I can't figure out which is lamer. The fact that you all left these stupid arguments about whether people should be offended by these words or not, or the fact that I read through them. (Or possibly the fact that I am now writing my own comment in response to all of yours.) The bottom line is that some words offend some people. So if they like to listen to a song without swear words, why do all of you people who do like profanity even care? Regardless of where the words originated, they have certain meanings in our current society. And those meanings are crude and when used in reference to an indivual or a group of people, often derrogatory. And any one who says words are just words is very foolish person. Words are never "just words." If that were so, then there would be no point in writing, speaking or singing anything. They all have meanings and are ways for us to express thoughts and feelings, so how can they be "just words"? Words can damage people's self esteem, hurt their feelings or make someone feel happy loved. So a wise person always chooses their words carefully. I personally thinks it's sad that we as a society are so illiterate and uneducated that we can't come up with better descriptive words and must always default to profanity. I can't say that I am never offended by profanity and I also can't say I have never used it myself. But I do think that we should all try and be a little bit more intelligent and creative and learn some new words to use. Kiki B. says Thank you, Terisa, for that awesome piece of linguistic history. As for the swearing, it's really just semantics. We have lots of words that carry similar denotations, but their different connotations - depending on religion, location, upbringing, etc. - provoke a multitude of responses. some people might be offended by so-called F-Bombs in the same way I am offended by the many blatant and unflinching Christian messages in the media today. Everyone comes from different backgrounds - I am a Buddhist, and god-damn really doesn't ruffle my feathers. The attitude of the song is consistent with the attitude of the "baaaaaaad" words, and while swearing is never actually necessary, "swear" words are becoming an increasingly valid form of verbal expression. They appear in dictionaries, books, films, music, and just about every other form of media and communication in the English-speaking world today. I do, however, appreciate Jon's consideration of his younger audiences. As an artist, musician, and parent, I constantly strive to expose my two year-old daughter to as many different styles of music as possible (as well as other forms of art). It's nice to know she can enjoy yet another great song without my worrying that she will unknowingly pick up words that may offend other people. She especially loves bopping to "Stroller Town" (we 'drive' a red Maclaren). JC, you should think about doing something along the line of Dan Zanes' music - kids go nuts for that stuff. Matt Kuzma says I just want to point out that, whatever some people may dislike about the words you censored, there is a solid case to be made that many of those words are becoming a part of some regional dialects. Someone above quoted a survey about profanity at work and explaining that many people say that using profanity the rudest thing one can do at work. I live in Minnesota and I would say that 'crap', 'goddamn', and 'hell' are all commonplace in the workplace. They aren't profane. They are a part of the dialect and the culture. Anyway, I really liked Code-Monkey and I bought it and I listen to it alot. And while the idea of censoring those words is idiotic to me, there's a simple solution in that I don't have to listen to that version of the song. Jimmy Johnson says I think this song is quite funny as it stands. You don't need any profanity. Especially if you want the song to reach a wider audience. It does come across as very satirical. If you've ever watched programs like "A Kick Up The 80's" or "Not The 9 o'clock News" - this is the coder's answer to one of their sketches a bit like the "I Like Trucking" song. Keep it up mate - keep it clean and I think you should hook up with some comedy writers to create music to end of comedy sketch musical sound bites. Peace! Rich Alger says Thank you for editing this song. I would like a smoother one yet I appreciate the effort. I would like other songs to be edited also, http://www.jonathancoulton.com/lyrics/mandelbrot-set for instance. It is a great song. The best would be to work in lyrics that don't rhyme with the crude words. Eric Hayes says Thank you for doing this! BWKreisler says Thank you, JoCo, for doing this! I would like to play some music before my online classes start, but I would get into trouble for using music with profanity, as tame as the original may be. This really helps, and I get to plug you in my class! :) ~~BWK J Reed says I love both versions. What's not to love? FWIW, I don't get people who are offended by other people being offended. I do, however, get people who are offended by the fact that people demand that offenders mollify them. That offends me, too. Fortunately, that doesn't seem to be the case here. When I get offended, I look for ways not to be offended. I do not demand that people stop offending me. I usually exercise the right to walk away; but I also exercise my right to state my opinion knowing full well that I'll have to deal with that fallout just like others have to deal with my responses. The trick is knowing when to exercise which--and to what extent. By the way, as a Norman who was abused by Saxons as a small childe, I detest those Saxonish phrases. Just sayin'. In actuality, the reasoning is much more practical. If my choices are "play the song for your 8 year old" or "don't," then I'm sad to say that he'll have to wait until he's a wee bit older and better able to control himself. I don't know about your 8 year old, but mine's not able to learn words like this because he's not yet mature enough to keep from dropping a big fat goddam in the middle of the school lunch room. When he's got his pegs under him, I'll let him wander past words like this. Until then, I've got to take steps to help him not get expelled. And for those who think that all kids should be exposed, congrats on having perfect maturity in your offspring. Best news: JC gets people who are offended or fear offending. He doesn't always agree with them, but neither does he belittle them as some sort of Judeo-Christian politically correct fascist who should become Amish, die, or, ideally, manage some sort of Amish conversion just prior to a dramatic and flaming death... Thanks JC. I dig your tolerance of other people's values even if they don't immediately coincide with your own, or your artistic expression. Pax! J shrop says Jonathan, Thanks for doing this. My daughter (7 y/o) likes the song, but I got tired of turning muting through GD every time. Very cool! Shrop HogCall says I am *very* happy for a PG version. GD is *far* from PG in my book, and inappropriate in almost any circle I run in. However, I do wish it said "gosh darn" or something like that instead of just totally blank. And "crap"? Leave crap in!