Please Do Not Get Arrested
And if you do, please do not mention my name to the police.
It is a very special day in Coultonland, a day I like to call “The First of May.” This is a free country, or at least it was until Obama was elected,* and so I do not presume to tell you how to celebrate it. I have no doubt that whatever you do, you will be sure to obey the law and comply with local ordinances. Also please remember that poison ivy has three shiny pointy leaves.
I myself will mostly be staying indoors, but I have already rubbed a couple of butts – no, they were PORK BUTTS, and I rubbed them with SPICES you pervert. What is wrong with you? Later I’m going to cook them on the GIRL.
My gift to you is this mp3 of a relevant track from “BEST. CONCERT. EVER.” You do not have to get me anything, in fact, I think I would prefer that you didn’t.
www.whatarerecords.com/mp3s/Jonathan_Coulton:_First_Of_May.mp3
Happy Spring!
* Sarcasm
April 30th, 2010 at 11:19 pm
It’s still April here.
I can’t wait until morning (nothing’s better than a fresh scone with a cup of house blend).
May 1st, 2010 at 12:47 am
JoCo said:
“This is a free country, or at least it was until Obama was elected”
Hmmm…is Obama no longer “pretty excellent so far”?
Happy First of May, everyone!
May 1st, 2010 at 1:27 am
I love the live track. Now I want to throw my money at this DVD in hopes of having one. Wait…
May 1st, 2010 at 5:24 am
Wow, I noticed that too, Brandon. *Hands JoCo a nice cup of TEA* Should I be saying “Welcome to the party”?
JoAnn
Cookie Minion/tea party patriot
TEA= Taxed Enough Already
May 1st, 2010 at 8:34 am
Christ, teabaggers are dense.
May 1st, 2010 at 8:37 am
Thanks, JoCo, for making my spring SING!
May 1st, 2010 at 8:38 am
No TEA = No Thanks, Enjoying Asterix. Oy. I think reading comprehension is one of the problems there methinks.
May 1st, 2010 at 8:38 am
Free Comics and a free JoCo song? Best. Day Ever.
Happy first of may everybody.
May 1st, 2010 at 8:41 am
FCBD and FOFD (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, saynomore). Thanks JoCo!
May 1st, 2010 at 8:41 am
Cooking BUTTS on the GIRL?
May 1st, 2010 at 8:42 am
@Brandon and JoAnn – Or y’all could notice the * and the note at the bottom that says “Sarcasm”
May 1st, 2010 at 8:42 am
Thanks Coulton,
I will play this until I stop. Seriously!
May 1st, 2010 at 8:55 am
Still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest*, hmmmmmmmm…
*such as asterisks
May 1st, 2010 at 10:13 am
Awesomesauce!! Of course, I have the DVD and CD already but this way I don’t have to go dig the thing out of my car. =P
May 1st, 2010 at 10:47 am
My birthday is May 1, so being able to grab a copy of this song live is an awesome present to myself.
Also…I saw you at Toads in New Haven, CT and you put on a great live show.
Looking forward to your return!
May 1st, 2010 at 11:23 am
Happy First of May!
May 1st, 2010 at 12:09 pm
Aweseme. Just got back from Free Comic Day at our local comic store, and now I find a free Jonathan Coulton song. Could today get any better?
May 1st, 2010 at 1:07 pm
I liked JoCo more when he didn’t publish his political views. At least he’s not preachy or put any kind of message in his songs.
Also the Asterisk wasn’t there at the start.
May 1st, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Oh, how I love you, first of May!
May 1st, 2010 at 1:21 pm
Hey Luther, I think the asterisk was inserted later for people like JoAnn and Brandon who don’t understand irony (btw, JoAnn, thanks so much for telling us what “TEA” stands for — I had NEVER heard that before*). And since when did JoCo “publish his political views”? It was just a joke, Luther.
*Sarcasm
May 1st, 2010 at 1:23 pm
it is true that i was kind of *perky* over the date until i emailed my friend-in-joco-fandom a may day wish for ‘celebrations suitable to the occasion.’
when he broke my heart by replying ’sounds like a curse,’ i knew i needed a new friend in joco-fandom.
so, step right up, folks! i will be taking offers until i receive an offer.
(if it helps, i’m going to the park later, and i could bring an ant-free blanket)
May 1st, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Ser.iou.sly people! Can’t we just be friends today?
Today is a happy day, a day for doing things…with people…in places…
A day for merry bipartisanship…if you catch my drift
May 1st, 2010 at 3:39 pm
Here in So. California, we don’t have poison ivy, but we do have poison oak.
May 1st, 2010 at 4:04 pm
Happy first of May, JoCo! I’m looking forward to seeing you in Raleigh, NC this month. My first JoCo concert!
May 1st, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Happy Outdoor Fucking Day!
May 1st, 2010 at 10:36 pm
Jonathan, was the asterisk there from the start?
May 2nd, 2010 at 1:33 pm
By the way… 109 points !
May 2nd, 2010 at 2:40 pm
In fairness to early commenters, the asterisk wasn’t there originally – I added it when it became clear I needed it. I’m sorry I said anything about the president, I forget evryone’s still so touchy.
May 2nd, 2010 at 2:55 pm
So… Most ppl only go up to about 99 degrees f and you started cooking your pork butts on your girl yesterday …. I’m all for low and slow, but I don’t see it hitting safe internal temps before the sun starts to supernova or at least comes up with some fatal flarage. Pit grills is for pork, my Yankee friend.
May 2nd, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Happy (belated) First of May, JoCo!
And no arrests here.
Ahem.
May 3rd, 2010 at 1:52 am
I didn’t mean to start a flame war, folks…it was all in jest…
Either relax and don’t take what you read on the Internet so seriously, or just get a life, fercryinoutloud…
Quite frankly, I know that it’s none of my business (or any of yours!) what Jonathan’s political views are…my comment was just a tongue-in-cheek thing…
Don’t make mountains out of molehills, folks!
May 3rd, 2010 at 9:41 am
Damn JoCo… I bet you didn’t think that song could make someone cry… My late father greeted every May first singing 1st. of May 1st of May, out door fucking starts today… or at least as far as he could get before my mother elbowed him. (“first of May first of May, Out.. Ow! ) Thanks. Just wish I could send it to him
May 3rd, 2010 at 12:14 pm
Is it okay to celebrate this holiday in solitude?
May 3rd, 2010 at 2:34 pm
Holy hell. Nice song.
May 4th, 2010 at 5:56 am
First of May, first of May, outdoor cooking starts today.
May 4th, 2010 at 7:18 am
Wish everyone agreed with you about celebrating May 1st non-violently. Some anarchists here in Santa Cruz decided to ruin it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgAJw8Aln2E
May 4th, 2010 at 7:19 am
Filth! Filth, I say.
(I love it so much)
May 5th, 2010 at 4:12 pm
Well my first of May consisted of drowning here in the floods of Nashville. It was quite unfortunate, especially considering the actual devastation that occurred because of all this. Guys, spread the word. Things here in Nashville and the surrounding areas are NOT GOOD and very little is being done about it aside from the people of Nashville themselves.
In other news, there are Piranha swimming around loose in the flooded hallways of the Opry Mills Mall just next door to the Grand Ole Opry. lolz
May 5th, 2010 at 9:34 pm
Colin – I think those of us in Nashville need a do over of this great holiday.
The floods certainly put a damper on my participation in the First of May Olympics. Guess my husband and I will have keep on training for next year’s event.
May 5th, 2010 at 11:54 pm
@Colin and Angi: I’m just to your north in Robertson County. I’m worried about you and all the other residents of Nashville. Here’s hoping that the waters recede soon.
May 8th, 2010 at 3:36 am
Hope your having fun at the Convention JoCo!
May 8th, 2010 at 6:06 pm
I already know someone who didn’t heed the poison ivy warning, ha.
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:51 am
But which half of the sentence is sarcasm?
May 25th, 2010 at 8:25 am
. . btw: SongSlide is no longer in business. You should take the link for them out of the /primer/get page.
May 25th, 2010 at 5:25 pm
…on your *girl* ? I’m a little worried now…
June 17th, 2010 at 3:11 pm
But Bush is the one who taps your phone lines. Just sayin’ :p
July 2nd, 2010 at 2:39 pm
For those who live in Seattle
http://www.mynorthwest.com/?nid=11&sid=338954