I wrote this thing on Twitter this morning about the MegaUpload shutdown, and it’s gotten some crazy traction on the old internet. In addition, I’ve just done a couple of interviews for NPR on the subject, and I think I may have said some crazy, provocative things. There are many comments and questions out there already with more to come, and rather than have a bunch of separate discussions on a bunch of different social media platforms, I thought I would put some of my thoughts here.

First of all, I was being sarcastic. I did not see an uptick in sales because one piracy site got shut down, nor do I expect to.

Second, this was a tweet, so it was <=140 characters of ha ha, and not designed to be a thorough discussion of all the issues. I recognize these things are complicated.

Obviously none of us knows the complete truth, but I'm guessing that the people who ran MegaUpload were knowingly profiting from the unauthorized download of other people's intellectual property (including mine). Probably they were making a lot of money that way. That's certainly illegal, and it doesn't exactly give them the moral high ground either. In fact, it's kind of a dick move. Essentially, they did bad things and they got in trouble for it. Here are the issues that, for me, make this complicated.

Along with all the illegal stuff happening on MegaUpload was some amount of completely legal stuff. People used MegaUpload to send large files around. Some number of those files were personal files owned by the people sending them. I have no idea what the ratio was, and probably it would be impossible to figure that out with any certainty, but let's stipulate that it was a very large percentage of illegal activity, and only a very tiny percentage of the users were there for anything other than downloading content that they didn't buy. Still, today that tiny percentage had something taken away from them, without warning, maybe just a service they liked using, but maybe a piece of digital media that belonged to them - if they uploaded something and didn't keep a copy, that thing is now gone. Them's the breaks I guess, but in evaluating whether this shutdown was a net positive for us humans, you have to take that into account.

Even some of the illegal usage was likely the kind of activity that approaches what I consider to be victimless piracy: people downloading stuff they already bought but lost, people downloading stuff they missed on TV and couldn't find on Netflix or iTunes, people downloading stuff they didn't like and regretted watching or hearing and never would have bought anyway, people downloading a Jonathan Coulton album (oh let's say, Artificial Heart, the new Jonathan Coulton album, which is an awesome Jonathan Coulton album called Artificial Heart) and loving it so much that in a year they decide to buy a ticket to a Jonathan Coulton show and walk up to the merch table and hand me $20. I know not everyone will think all of those things are victimless crimes, and even I can admit that some of them maybe kinda sorta have victims, but my point is that you can’t easily say that every illegal download is a lost sale, because it’s a lot more complicated than that. So when you evaluate the “damage” that a site like MegaUpload is causing, you have to think about these things too. The grand jury indictment against them says they’ve caused $500 million in damages to copyright owners. Given the complexity of actual usage on a site like MegaUpload, how can they possibly know that?

The real question in my mind these days, and what I was trying to get at with my little tweet, is: how much does piracy really hurt content creators (specifically, me)? Professional smart person Tim O’Reilly posted something that made me think about this question again in regards to SOPA/PIPA. He points out that any proponent of SOPA/PIPA starts with the assumption that all this piracy is causing great harm to lots of people and companies. Here’s his pull quote, taken from a recent statement about SOPA issued by the White House:

Let us be clear—online piracy is a real problem that harms the American economy, and threatens jobs for significant numbers of middle class workers and hurts some of our nation’s most creative and innovative companies and entrepreneurs. It harms everyone from struggling artists to production crews, and from startup social media companies to large movie studios. While we are strongly committed to the vigorous enforcement of intellectual property rights, existing tools are not strong enough to root out the worst online pirates beyond our borders.

Is it really as dire as all that? It’s an emergency is it? Tim points out that he and a lot of other content creators have been happily coexisting with piracy all this time, and I’m certainly one of them. Make good stuff, then make it easy for people to buy it. There’s your anti-piracy plan. The big content companies are TERRIBLE at doing both of these things, so it’s no wonder they’re not doing so well in the current environment. And right now everyone’s fighting to control distribution channels, which is why I can’t watch Star Wars on Netflix or iTunes. It’s fine if you want to have that fight, but don’t yell and scream about how you’re losing business to piracy when your stuff isn’t even available in the box I have on top of my TV. A lot of us have figured out how to do this.

So if you can stand me sounding a little crazy, listen: where is the proof that piracy causes economic harm to anyone? Looking at the music business, yes profits have gone down ever since Napster, but has anyone effectively demonstrated the causal link between that and piracy? There are many alternate theories (people buying songs and not whole albums, music sucking more, niches and indie acts becoming more viable, etc.). The Swiss government did a study and determined that unauthorized downloading (which 1/3 of their citizens do) does not create any loss in revenue for the entertainment industry. I remember but am now too lazy to find links to other studies that say the same thing. I can’t think of any study I’ve seen that demonstrates the opposite. If there is one, please point me to it. So I have a lot of trouble with the idea that the federal government is directing resources toward an ultimately ineffective game of piracy whack-a-mole (with some unknown amount of collateral damage to law-abiding citizens), when we are not even sure that piracy is a problem.

And if you can stand me sounding even crazier, here is this: making money from art is not a human right. It so happens that technological and societal blahbity bloos have conspired to create a situation where selling songs about monkeys and robots is a viable business, but for most of human history people have NOT paid for art. I don’t want this to happen again, and I would be very sad if this came to pass, but it’s not up to me to decide. We are constantly demonstrating through our actions what we believe to be the norms for acquiring and consuming content. Right now a lot of us think that it’s OK to download stuff through illegal sites under certain circumstances, and a lot of us think it’s totally fine to use those things to make videos and put them on YouTube even though YouTube profits from it. That’s not ME saying that, that’s US saying that – we’re a nation of pirates and infringers. Based on our behavior, you would not be wrong to deduce that some of us think funny videos on YouTube are more important than honoring intellectual property rights. This kind of thing has happened before. Entire industries rise and fall as the world changes and our priorities shift. Sorry.

I believe in copyright. I benefit from it. I don’t want it to go away. I love that we have laws and people to enforce them. But if I had to give up one thing, if I had to choose between copyright and the wild west, semi-lawless, innovation-fest that is the internet? I’ll take the internet every time.

Now you may comment. I’m going to watch this thread and respond when I can, and we’re going to have a nice discussion. We’re not going to have fights and call each other names, and if you’re a jerk, I’m going to delete the jerky things you say. (And if you infringe on my copyright I’m going to send federal agents to your home and throw your computers IN THE GARBAGE.)

Tickets to the tapings are free, so all you need is an available evening and the ability to get your body to where it’s happening. The next one is at the Bell House in Brooklyn on January 23rd. I’ll be on tour or on a cruise ship for much of February, so I won’t be in the February 6th and 13th shows, but I will be a part of all the rest.

Because I sense it will become a FAQ, I will answer it now: no, I won’t be playing a TON of Jonathan Coulton songs. This is not a Jonathan Coulton show, so you shouldn’t expect a 12 minute Code Monkey jam. Which is not to say that you shouldn’t come, because you should – there will be puzzles, and victories, and defeats, and witty banter, and for goodness sake it’s absolutely free. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?

Tickets here!

Artificial Heart

Artificial Heart special edition packages are almost all the way out the door. Levels 2 and 3 have shipped (3 went out just before Christmas), and Level 4 packages are being assembled RIGHT NOW and the plan is for them to hit the mail this week. The planet will breathe a little easier once that happens. I thank all of you for your patience, even the people who never ordered anything from me.

In general I’m really pleased with how the album has been received. Ridiculous Billboard charting incident aside, it seems to have found its way to a lot of people who like it, which makes me happy. All those videos I mentioned last time have now been released, so if you missed any of them, you can find them here. I think my favorite has to be Je Suis Rick Springfield, which features the Baldwin Fun Machine, a nice looking suit, and some even nicer looking bare feet.

The Cruise

JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 is coming up fast: February 19th-26th. We’ve sold through most of our allotment of cabins, so the booking website looks barren and sad, but there may still be cabins on board that we can snag if anyone is still interested in booking. Just get in touch with us at booking@jococruisecrazy.com and let us know what you’re looking for, and we’ll see what we can do. In case you haven’t heard on the Twitters, last minute additions to the talent line-up include John Flansburgh (who will be DJing a couple of dance parties), Molly Lewis, Joseph Scrimshaw, and Chris Collingwood from Fountains of Wayne. You should come! There is still time, but not much!

The official JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 T-shirt is now available at Topatoco for a limited time only, until January 13th. Order now and you’ll have the shirt in time for the cruise (or whatever sad, fake cruise you’re planning to have instead). While it’s possible we may have some EXTREMELY limited quantities on board, this is really the only sure way to make sure that you get one in the size you want, so order now or risk heartbreak forever.

Speaking of shirts, did you all see this fantastic new JoCo Has Some Problems shirt? Because it truly is my new favorite thing. I am fighting zombies!

The Touring

I’m out with The Might Be Giants again in February for the final leg of their Join Us tour. We start in California and head east until we get home, so it’s a big one. All these shows are with the band, and pretty short (but completely kickass) sets because I’m the opening act. Details on the Shows page as always, but here are the dates:

The Rio Theater – Santa Cruz, CA
January 27th 8pm
Tickets

Royce Hall – Los Angeles, CA
January 28th 8pm
Tickets

Marquee Theater – Tempe, AZ
January 29th 6:30pm
Tickets

Rialto Theatre – Tucson, AZ
January 30th 8pm
Tickets

Cain’s Ballroom – Tulsa, OK
February 1st 8pm
Tickets

Granada Theater – Dallas, TX
February 2nd 8pm
Tickets

La Zona Rosa – Austin, TX
February 3rd 9pm
Tickets

Tipitina’s (Uptown) – New Orleans, LA
February 4th 10pm
Tickets

The Ritz Ybor – Tampa, FL
February 7th 8pm
Tickets

Hard Rock Live – Orlando, FL
February 8th 8pm
Tickets

Ponte Vedra Concert Hall – Ponte Vedra Beach, FL
February 9th 8pm
Tickets

Variety Playhouse – Atlanta, GA
February 10th 8:30pm
Tickets

Variety Playhouse – Atlanta, GA
February 11th 8:30pm
Tickets

Track 29 – Chattanooga, TN
February 12th 8pm
Tickets

McGlohon Theater at Spirit Square – Charlotte, NC
February 14th 7:30pm
Tickets

Lincoln Theater – Raleigh, NC
February 15th 8pm
Tickets

Jefferson Theater – Charlottesville, VA
February 16th 8pm
Tickets

Calvin Theater – Northampton, MA
March 8th 8pm
Tickets

Lupo’s Heartbreak Hotel – Providence, RI
March 9th 8pm
Tickets

Terminal 5 – New York, NY
March 10th 7pm
Tickets

The Future

Between now and the cruise I’ll be getting ready for the cruise. Between the cruise and the future, who knows. I’ve been invited to be a part of this new NPR puzzle quiz show called Ask Me Another (fb page) that seems like it’s going to be pretty fun, and we’ll be recording a few of those in front of live audiences in NYC and DC over the next few months. I’ll let you know more about that when I have more details. I’m working on putting together a tour for late spring/early summer where I headline again, and play full size sets the way I used to. Which leaves some time in the early Spring for me to lie about and look at pretty flowers and things. Maybe I will write some songs.

I hope your new year is already better than your old one, especially if your old one was pretty great.

This is to let you know that we’re getting down to our last few reserved cabins. We’ve been shuffling things around to keep as wide a distribution of cabin types as possible, but the ship itself is getting pretty full, and many stateroom categories are completely sold out. After December 6th we’re going to have to stop shuffling and begin to either sell through or give back all our rooms. So if you’ve been on the fence about going, or if you have friends who are dillying and dallying, now is a good time to pull the trigger. Not to say that nobody can book after December 6th, just that we’ll have a lot less flexibility than we do now.

This is also the time when I personally stop worrying about all the things I need to do to make the cruise happen and start to just look forward to it in a big way. We’ve got the last minute addition of John Flansburgh (who will be DJing a couple of dance parties for us), plus the already superbad array of fantastic performers and fun people. For the record, the complete list includes me, Paul and Storm, John Hodgman, Wil Wheaton, Vi Hart, John Roderick, MC Frontalot, Marian Call, David Rees, Paul F. Tompkins, and DJ John Flansburgh. We will have fruity cocktails together. We will all get horribly sunburned. We will wear fake mustaches. We will order club sandwiches delivered to our staterooms at 2 in the morning and it will cost us nothing.

THERE WILL BE BAKED ALASKA.

So if you like those things and don’t want to make Jimmy Whales cry (because everyone knows, whales and sea creatures in general LOVE cruise ships), then book now.

I’ve described this before, but since I’m sure people will ask, I’m singing into an audio plugin called The Mouth. I don’t know specifically what this particular setting is doing to my vocal, but it sounds to me like it’s interpreting the frequency content of the input and mapping that to a spread across several different octaves of the same note. So it creates an accompanying voice in multiple octaves of a single note. I control what that note is via midi, in this case using my monome (using it in the most boring way possible, to play midi notes, which is SHAMEFUL, but it sure does have pretty lights).

The red cowboy shirt does not affect the audio in any way.

NUMBER ONE
Today, November 8th, is the official release date for the Artificial Heart CD. It should be available now at Amazon and at other CD-buying places (I actually don’t know where those places are – “stores” maybe?). I have noticed that the title is misspelled on Amazon, which is GREAT. They’re fixing it.

NUMBER TWO
You brave and generous souls who pre-ordered the signed CD (Level Two Participants) should receive your CDs very soon, as in, this week (unless you’re in a far away country in which case it might take a bit longer). The warehouse monkeys tell me that they started sending them out yesterday. My hand is tired from signing them, but my heart is full of your love. Thank you.

Level Three will go out as soon as the shirts are done, looking like a couple weeks. Level Four will go out as soon as everything is done, still looking like early December. Thank you all for your patience.

NUMBER THREE
One of the things that has been keeping me so busy is that I have been making music videos. This isn’t like me at all – I couldn’t even remember how to log into my YouTube channel. Flansburgh and I made a bunch of them at once, and I think they all came out pretty great. Today I posted one for Nemeses that features John Roderick singing next to me on an iPhone:

And also one for Still Alive, the new version on Artificial Heart that’s sung by the delightful Sara Quin:

Yesterday Hodgman posted one of the two of us doing our classic ukulele/guitar duet of Tonight You Belong to Me (not on the album, but you know, what the hey):

And there are plenty more coming. With the exception of Still Alive, which was done months ago when we were recording the album, all these videos are also brand new live recordings of the songs, simple arrangements done as we were shooting. So eventually you’ll see videos of ALL NEW LIVE versions of Today with Your Wife, Sticking It to Myself, Nobody Loves You Like Me, Down Today, and Je Suis Rick Springfield.

NUMBER FOUR
As sad as I am to not be traveling with my friend John Hodgman on his book tour, I’m delighted to be out on the road again with They Might Be Giants. We’re west coasting it now, Vancouver tonight, Seattle, Portland, you know the rest. Come on out and see us – check my schedule for details.

NUMBER FIVE
And by the way, Hodgman’s new book is absolutely fantastic and you should all buy it and read it. I don’t know anything about an audio book version, though I suspect and hope that he’ll do one and invite me to participate. If you get the chance you should really go out and see one of his readings – and calling them readings fails to fully prepare you for the fact that they are entertainment spectaculars. Honestly, he’s at the top of his game these days, and probably the descent into booze and pills is just around the corner. So don’t miss it.

NUMBER SIX
Rock Band versions of a few select songs from Artificial Heart are coming.

NUMBER SEVEN
The cruise is still happening, in spite of all the other things that would satisfy any normal human as Enough Things Happening Already. It’s going to be great. If you’re still on the fence about joining us, you should know that the ship is filling up fast, and we’re running out of our allotment of rooms. So don’t sit on the fence for too long, or you will fall into the ocean!

I think that’s all. Is that everything?

Attention citizens of planet Earth:

I’m writing to let you know that today is the last chance to purchase one of the Artificial Heart bundles. At midnight tonight I’ll be closing sales for good, so I can get to the business of actually sending everything out. Inevitably there will be someone who doesn’t hear about this in time and feels sad that they missed it, but that is the way of things. After sales are closed, the album will be available for purchase in digital form through my regular store and it is in fact already available at iTunes, Amazon, Rdio, etc. (Spotify coming soon I hear – they have a backlog). If you or someone you know needs to have one of these once in a lifetime awesome things, here is the place to make that happen:

bit.ly/pdYyZE

In other news, I want to thank everyone who came out to see me open for They Might Be Giants in September on the first leg of their Join Us tour. What a blast! Big, excitable crowds, loud rock music, every show a delight. I will be back for more in November (see list of shows below).

To answer a couple FAQs about my touring schedule:
I don’t know yet about the They Might Be Giants shows that I am not listed on as the opener. This includes the Tulsa makeup show, the January/February leg, and a bunch of other odds and ends. You should consult my site and the TMBG site to figure out if I’m opening for any given show. And chances are if those sites say I’m not opening, that means either I’m not opening or I don’t know yet – believe me, I am not keeping these things secret. The only sure things right now are on the list below. And yes, at some point I will do my own shows again, with the standard eight hour set list that you have all become used to.

To answer a couple FAQs about the bundles:
Level 2 is easy enough to ship out since it’s just a signed CD, so that will happen first. I’m hoping to get those out to everyone in the next couple of weeks. I had to wait until orders were mostly done so I’d have some idea of shirt quantities, so Level 3 is going to take a little longer while I wait for them to get made – more news soon. Level 4 is still up in the air, it’s likely that they won’t ship until end of November at the earliest – yes, it’s killing me too. But there’s at least one item in there that I haven’t told you about that has a super long lead time, but I think is going to be pretty cool to have. I have plans to do fun things will all you Level 4 folks and your nemeses while we wait, so I’m hopeful that you will feel like you’re getting your money’s worth even before you get the box itself. If ever you are too annoyed by all this and you just want your damned money back, just let me know.

Thank you to everyone who has purchased and/or said nice things about Artificial Heart. I hear that today it’s on the iTunes “Rock on the Rise” list, which is kind of exciting. It’s also getting airplay on a few actual radio stations, also exciting. I have already purchased a few private jets in anticipation of it going quadruple platinum. Think ahead, that’s my motto!

Here’s the next round of touring. Let’s learn those new songs, people!

Nov 4 Salt Lake City, UT – The Depot

bit.ly/join-us-slc

Nov 5 Boise, ID – Knitting Factory

ticketf.ly/join-us-boise

Nov 6 Spokane, WA – Knitting Factory

ticketf.ly/join-us-spokane

Nov 8 Vancouver, BC – Venue

bit.ly/join-us-vancouverbc

Nov 9 Seattle, WA – Showbox SoDo

bit.ly/join-us-seattle

Nov 10 Portland, OR – Crystal Ballroom

bit.ly/join-us-portland

Nov 11 Arcata, CA – Van Duzer Theatre

bit.ly/join-us-arcata

Nov 12 San Francisco, CA – Fillmore

bit.ly/join-us-san-fran12th

Nov 13 San Francisco, CA – Fillmore

bit.ly/join-us-san-fran13th

Nov 16 Anaheim, CA – House of Blues

bit.ly/join-us-anaheim

Nov 17 San Diego, CA – Belly Up

bit.ly/join-us-san-diego

Talk to you soonish,

-j

I’m closing sales on all levels this Wednesday at midnight. At the same time I’ll be moving Artificial Heart to the standard store page here on my site. I don’t want any sad people to find out about these fantastic bundle purchase opportunities only after they’re gone, so if there’s anyone you know who should purchase these things, let them know that time is running out. Inevitably, and in spite of your best efforts, someone will tweet at 12:01 AM Thursday morning “OMG! I missed out! I wish I had known!” It’s just how these things go.

The album should now be available in most digital online stores, though I’m getting reports that the title is misspelled in a few places. Which is fantastic news! Gah! If you can’t find it in your favorite digital music store, you may want to search for Jonathan Coulton and then click on the album “Artifical Heart” [sic]. Jeepers creepers people.

For those of you who have purchased a bundle and have questions about shirt sizes, address changes, upgrades and the like, in theory Scarface should have gotten back to you via email. If not, let us know. We’re planning on giving everyone a chance to confirm shipping address and shirt sizes before we mail these things out. I’m choosing a shirt brand this coming week (it’s likely to be similar to American Apparel in fit and quality) and will let everyone know what that is and post sizing charts before asking you to reconfirm your size choices. You’ll be allowed to choose different sizes for different shirts. I don’t want any unhappy customers.

The Level Four box is going to be awesome. It will contain some surprise items. It will be a classy collectors edition type situation and you will be the envy of all your friends if you have one. I don’t have a timeline yet, but will let you know as soon as I have a likely ship date. In the meantime, you Level Four folks will soon have access to other fun stuff that is not in the box. We will entertain ourselves while we wait.

Speaking of which, has anyone figured out what all the symbols mean yet? Because I have.

Many of you have been asking questions, and it seems that some of these questions have been asked more frequently than others. I’m going to take a look at these “QAFs” (Questions that are Asked Frequently) in the paragraphs to follow, and hopefully answer a few of them for you.

Here is the general plan: the album is for sale in its entirety right now through my website as a digital download in a format of your choosing. There are also some special bundles containing various physical objects. I am working on putting it in iTunes and all sorts of other digital stores even as we speak. I don’t have an ETA except to say that it will happen as soon as it is physically possible. Top men are working on it. Top. Men. I don’t have a specific list of the digital stores, but chances are the answer to your question that starts “Will it be available in [SOME ONLINE STORE]…” would be “Yes,” were you to ask it of me.

The bundles will be available for a limited time (more on this in a second). I wanted to do these initial offerings because: 1) I was tired of waiting for the gears to turn on the non direct sales side, let’s do this thing already! 2) I liked the idea of trying to cover the expenses of making this thing early on, so that I could maybe begin to relax – kind of a backwards Kickstarter strategy, and 3) I think it’s fun and exciting to have a special, celebratory moment at the beginning of this album’s life. In particular the level four participation and the various plans I have for it have become a fun creative play space for me. This is not a concept album per se, but it’s got some strong thematic undercurrents that are fun to mess with, hence the logo, the motto, the symbols, the evaluation questions, and other things yet to be revealed.

I do not always want to be in the business of direct physical sales, so I’m going to sell these things for a while and then stop. The CD and the Artificial Heart Shirt will be available for purchase after that, but these specific bundles, the signed CD, and all the other stuff that comes with Level Four will only be around for a little while – let’s say through the end of September, or while supplies last. Judging from the trend so far, I will make 1,000 of these and that will be all.

I actually had a meeting last week with the people who are making and assembling all the Level Four packages, and let’s just say we got plans – cool stuff is going to be in there, and it’s going to look great and satisfy you in that fuzzy, collector’s item kind of way.

Thank you all for the overwhelming support you have shown me over the years, even when I was not writing anything at all, but especially now as I publish what is really my first substantial new work since Thing a Week (eep). I hope you are enjoying listening to it as much as I enjoyed making it.

Artificial Heart

IT’S HERE!

The brand new album produced by TMBG’s John Flansburgh, lots of new songs, each one more awesome than the last.

You can buy it right now from my store and many other online digital music merchants. ]]> http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/09/03/artificial-heart/feed/ 0 http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/08/30/multitasking/ http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/08/30/multitasking/#comments Wed, 31 Aug 2011 04:42:50 +0000 JoCo http://www.jonathancoulton.com/?p=2278 There’s a long boring story about the many things going on behind the scenes as I move through the strange netherworld between album completion and album release. In one chapter of that story, I was on Cape Cod with my family, enjoying the beach and a lot of lobster rolls just prior to when everything started really churning. At that point, the plan was to release Good Morning Tucson as the first track shortly after my return to NYC. I thought it would be fun to have a video for it, but of course there I was on vacation with no video directors in sight. What I did have was a couple of iPhones, some duct tape, a kite, a rocket, an RC airplane, two children, a wife, a giant inflatable sphere, and a 2004 Volkswagen Jetta. Which was close enough, I figured. It helped that I had a great editor I could send the footage to – his name is Chris Dillon and you will no doubt recognized his work from my concert DVD, “Best. Concert. Ever.”, which he also edited.

You can take this as evidence of my efficiency and ability to multitask, or you can take it as an example of the many ways in which I often fail to draw a clear line between work and not-work. Mostly you can take it as a demonstration of what a FANTASTIC skim boarding technique I have, and how I need to lose about 15 pounds and maybe get a spray tan.

The song Good Morning Tucson is obviously not about going to the beach. At least, it didn’t used to be!

You can download this slightly higher quality, pre-YouTube-Compression version if you like, and well looky here, there’s the song itself, free to all. Those links will be live for a couple of weeks at which point they are timed to expire so that robots crawling the web of the future do not destroy my bandwidth. Get em while they’re hot.

Friday 9/2
1 PM – Geek a Week panel with Len Peralta at the Hyatt, Regency VI – VII

2:30 PM – Paul and Storm Talk About Some Stuff for Five to Ten Minutes (On Average) – LIVE podcast at the Hilton, Room 204

8:30 PM – The Artificial Heart Album Release Show, off campus at the Variety Playhouse. I’ll be playing old stuff and new stuff, both acoustic and with the band, and I’ll have the new CD and new Artificial Heart shirts available for purchase. Paul and Storm will open. This is not an official Dragon*Con event, so you’ll need to buy tickets to attend.

Saturday 9/3
During the dayish – I’ll have a merch booth set up in the band area at the Marriott, and I hope to take your money there (in exchange for music and TShirts). I don’t have a good sense for how the merch thing works at Dragon*Con, so this is one of the things I’m going to figure out on the fly. Follow @jonathancoulton on Twitter and I’ll send updates when I know more about specific times.

8:30 PM – Gonzoroo, an evening of musical delights featuring me, Paul and Storm, and lots of other stuff, hosted by megastar Ken Plume. I’ll be acoustic only at this show, and I’ll be selling STILL MORE STUFF after the show. All this happens at the Marriott, Atrium Ballroom.

Sunday 9/4
During the dayish – More action at the merch booth! Probably!

8:30 PM – Gonzo Quiz Show III: Beyond Thunderquiz, a celebrity quiz show panel show game show SHOW hosted by Ken Plume and Widgett Walls. Expect the unexpected.

Monday 9/5
Who knows! I’m going to be pretty tired and covered in dragon juice by then, hopefully will be able to take some time and actually SEE some things. Or I might be at the merch booth. Or I might be at the bottom of a Scorpion Bowl at Trader Vic’s. Watch Twitter for updates.

Really excited to finally be able to check this crazy thing out. I hope to see you there!

I hope you like it, because it’s good, and so if you don’t like it then that means you have terrible taste.

Wil Wheaton, Marian Call, and Vi Hart.

I trust this will please you. More announcements about more performers IN THE FUTURE…

Thank you for your alerts about what was broken and your comments about what has changed. Team JoCo is fixing things as they come to our attention, please let me know in this thread if you’re still having trouble with something and we’ll see what we can do. I have other long term plans for a bunch of stuff around these parts, this is really phase one we’re looking at now, so don’t panic.

In fact, save your panic for 12 noon because that’s when I am throwing the big switch that puts a bunch of new cabins on sale for JoCo Cruise Crazy 2. You may have noticed, we sold out of most kinds of cabins really quickly and have been out of them for weeks. We’ve got another round of cabins for you to decimate, and hope that you will do so. Expect me to report back here later about what I did wrong, or broke, or learned about how to not do things next time.

Whee!

JoCo Cruise Crazy 2

It’s happening again!
February 19-26 2012, Southern Caribbean.
Book now! ]]> http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/07/12/joco-cruise-crazy-2-2/feed/ 0 http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/07/12/maintenance-time/ http://www.jonathancoulton.com/2011/07/12/maintenance-time/#comments Tue, 12 Jul 2011 18:42:25 +0000 JoCo http://www.jonathancoulton.com/?p=2176 Just a heads up for those of you who spend all day refreshing this site to see if anything new happened (nope!): late tonight and tomorrow, some server monkeys are going to do some stuff and move this site over to a new server. While the DNS propagates some things will be read-only – the forums, the wiki, the comments. Don’t panic! Once your corner of the web gets the new info you’ll be back to read-write mode. You might not even notice.

Actually you will, because the site will have a little teensy weensy bit of a visual change, not a redesign mind you (which is long overdue), just a bit of a haircut. And we’re moving to Vanilla V2, which should be nicer looking, more secure, faster, and just different enough to make some of you COMPLETELY FURIOUS. But nothing should be broken and really we’ll all be better off.

Or, this whole thing could come crashing down. We don’t really know. You know what, why don’t you fill up the bathtub with fresh water just in case?

Artificial Heart (the new record):

Waiting on the mastering folks right now, but it’s done from my end of things. Shooting for a release date roundabout the end of August/beginning of September, but waiting for a couple of last minute things to happen before I announce any actual date. I’m really excited about it – working with Flansburgh was fantastic fun and incredibly fruitful. I think you guys are going to like it.

I will be doing presales as soon as I can get that ready, most likely sometime in August. I’m working on a kinda sorta premium superfan pack that will contain a bunch of extra exclusive goodies. The CD packaging and all those extra goodies are being designed by friend, design genius, and crazy person Sam Potts (www.sampottsinc.com). It’s going to make for a very smart looking package of stuff. I’m not even going to call it a package of stuff, I’m going to call it an EXPERIENCE, because that’s what it is. More on this soon.

JoCo Cruise Crazy 2 (the new cruise):

We quietly launched our new Scarface-built booking site on June 17th and were immediately overwhelmed with bookings. The first 250 sold in a few hours, before we even had time to figure out what was going on and promote it to anyone. Soon after we sold through our inventory of cabins, and have been waiting for gears to turn and checks to clear so that we can get more inventory up and for sale. That is happening very soon. (I know we’ve been saying that for a while, but it has always felt true – all I can say is, we’re closer to it now than every before. Believe!)

Confirmed talent onboard includes me, Paul and Storm, John Hodgman, David Rees, Paul F. Tompkins, and MC Frontalot, with plenty more yet to be announced. It’s going to be a ton of fun. Watch our various blogs and twitter feeds for the announcement about when those new cabins will go on sale, and get yourself a seat PRONTO!

Touring (the new touring):

I’ll be doing a few of my own shows, as well as an awful lot of opening for They Might Be Giants over the next few months. A complete list follows, and details and tickets for all shows can be found on the shows page. Here are a couple of highlights for you, and then a list that nobody will care enough to read all the way through.

A Smaller Boat – on August 19th I’m playing a show on The Jewel, which is apparently a boat of some kind. It’s a band show, a rock cruise in the East River starring ME.

PAX Prime – it’s confirmed, I’ll be at PAX again this year the end of August, playing with the band. Wouldn’t it be great if I could sell you the new album that weekend? What a smart business thing that would be for me to have planned.

Dragon*Con – for the first time ever, I’ll be there. Please be gentle. On Friday the 2nd I’ll be with the band at my favorite Atlanta venue, the Variety Playhouse for the incredible ALBUM RELEASE PARTY, where history will be made. Paul and Storm will be there too. I’ll also be playing acoustically as part of a larger on campus evening show on Saturday night, plus a couple of panels and things. I will also slay a dragon.

Opening for They Might Be Giants – I’m a fan, you’re a fan, listen, these are going to all be great shows. July 29th at the Williamsburg Waterfront is a free show with me on acoustic. July 30th at the Stone Pony in Asbury Park is the same, except it isn’t free or in Williamsburg. The rest of the Giants shows in September and November will be band shows all. I hope you like rock.

Complete list of shows that involve me:

July 29 Brooklyn, NY – Williamsburg Waterfront with TMBG (acoustic, free show!) – bit.ly/join-us-brooklyn

July 30 Asbury Park, NJ – Stone Pony with TMBG (acoustic) – bit.ly/join-us-asbury-park

August 19 New York, NY – aboard The Jewel, under the stars on the East River (band) – tktwb.tw/qii5ci

August 26-28 Seattle, WA – PAX Prime, merch boothin’ it, big show, etc. (band) – prime.paxsite.com

September 2 Atlanta, GA – Variety Playhouse ALBUM RELEASE PARTY with Paul and Storm (band) – bit.ly/kFAulc

September 3 Atlanta, GA – Dragon*Con, location TBD, with Paul and Storm and others (acoustic) – www.dragoncon.org/

All the rest of these are band shows opening for TMBG:

Sept 8 New Haven, CT – Toad’s Place – bit.ly/join-us-new-haven

Sept 9 Great Barrington, MA – Mahaiwe Theater – bit.ly/join-us-great-barrington

Sept 10 Concord, NH – Capitol Center for the Arts – bit.ly/join-us-concord

Sept 11 Norwich, VT – Upper Valley Events Center – bit.ly/join-us-norwichvt

Sept 13 Ithaca, NY – State Theater – bit.ly/join-us-ithaca

Sept 14 Pittsburgh, PA – Byham Theater – bit.ly/join-us-pittsburgh

Sept 15 Rochester, NY – Harro East Ballroom – bit.ly/join-us-rochester

Sept 16 Cleveland, OH – Beachland Ballroom – tktwb.tw/join-us-cleveland

Sept 17 Detroit, MI – Majestic Theater – bit.ly/join-us-detroit

Sept 18 Grand Rapids, MI – Intersection – bit.ly/join-us-grand-rapids

Sept 20 Cincinnati, OH – Southgate House – ticketf.ly/join-us-cinci

Sept 22 Indianapolis, IN – The Vogue – bit.ly/join-us-indianapolis

Sept 23 Chicago, IL – Riviera Theatre – bit.ly/join-us-chicago

Sept 24 St. Louis, MO – The Pageant – bit.ly/join-us-st-louis

Sept 25 Tulsa, OK – Cain’s Ballroom – bit.ly/join-us-tulsa

Sept 27 Nashville, TN – Cannery Ballroom – bit.ly/join-us-nashville

Sept 28 Asheville, NC – The Orange Peel – bit.ly/join-us-asheville

Sept 29 Richmond, VA – The National – bit.ly/join-us-richmond

Sept 30 Philadelphia, PA – Theatre of Living Arts – bit.ly/join-us-philadelphia

Nov 4 Salt Lake City, UT – The Depot – bit.ly/join-us-slc

Nov 5 Boise, ID – Knitting Factory – ticketf.ly/join-us-boise

Nov 6 Spokane, WA – Knitting Factory – ticketf.ly/join-us-spokane

Nov 8 Vancouver, BC – Venue – bit.ly/join-us-vancouverbc

Nov 9 Seattle, WA – Showbox SoDo – bit.ly/join-us-seattle

Nov 10 Portland, OR – Crystal Ballroom – bit.ly/join-us-portland

Nov 11 Arcata, CA – Van Duzer Theatre – bit.ly/join-us-arcata

Nov 12 San Francisco, CA – Fillmore – bit.ly/join-us-san-fran12th

Nov 13 San Francisco, CA – Fillmore – bit.ly/join-us-san-fran13th

Nov 16 Anaheim, CA – House of Blues – bit.ly/join-us-anaheim

Nov 17 San Diego, CA – Belly Up – bit.ly/join-us-san-diego

Whew.

The microphone goes into my laptop through an audio interface. The laptop is running Ableton Live. I’ve got an audio track in there that’s listening to the mic input and running a plugin called The Mouth. That plugin does a lot of awesome things, but in this case it takes the audio and um. I don’t know exactly what it does. It sounds to me like it’s taking the audio input, and using some algorithm to retune the input to a single pitch at several different octaves, the relative volumes of those octaves being determined by the frequency content of the input. You know, robot voice. Kind of a vocoder I guess? But more juicy. I’ve listened to just the 100% wet effect, and it’s almost like it’s carving out space for whatever the input note is – it’s like you can hear the shadow of the melody as it shifts up and down the octaves.

Anyway, put that all in a box and say the effect is weirdifying the input and outputting a repitched copy of what I’m singing. That pitch is determined by midi messages. So I also have a midi track in Ableton Live. The iPhone is running an app called TouchOSC which is sending OSC data over wifi to an app on the laptop called Osculator, which is set up to translate certain OSC messages into midi note events, and then sending those events to the track in Ableton Live, which is then routed to the midi input of The Mouth on track 1. I’m playing a little onscreen keyboard, and that changes the note that The Mouth plays when I sing.

I am also texting three wives and two girlfriends at the same time!

Hope that explains it. It’s probably more than you wanted to know, huh?

A few people were offended on my behalf by this comparison. I’m certain that Frannie’s choice of the Snuggie rather than say, a Mini Cooper or an iPhone, was meant to underline the geeky novelty song aspect of my appeal, to which I say: snarkity snark snark! I confess it stings a little. I’m aware that many people think of me as “merely” a guy who writes novelty songs, which is annoying for a couple of reasons. First, writing novelty songs is actually a real thing that you can do, and many talented people have had fine careers doing it, so let’s not go around denigrating it, shall we? Second, it’s a rather lazy and facile way of labeling me that fails to fully describe what I do.

That said, leaving aside the pejorative nature of the comparison, I think it’s accurate in some respects, in that a Snuggie is a new thing that somebody invented and marketed and sold to enormous success. Do you know who else is a Snuggie? Nirvana, Ben Folds, Madonna, and the Grateful Dead. You have to do something new and unique and valuable in order to get anyone’s attention in this business, in fact that’s sort of the point. Just because I did it with “nerds on the Internet” instead of “teenagers in Seattle” or “hippies at ren faires” or “13-year-old girls on YouTube” is incidental, and beside the point. Similarly, Jacob Ganz says in the podcast that I “won the internet lottery,” which is like saying the Beatles won the British Invasion lottery. It’s accurate but unhelpful, because it fails to draw a meaningful distinction between me and anyone else who has had success in this business. It has always been about winning the lottery, and it has always been about being a Snuggie.

The thing that I think most got in the way of what could have been a much more interesting discussion was some confusion about what a business model is. “Writing a song that gets discovered on Slashdot” is not a business model, any more than “putting sleeves on a blanket” is a business model. It is a thing that happened to me, that part is true, but it’s not really much of a strategy. I make songs that are good and then I sell them (and concert tickets, and Tshirts) to the people who want them – that’s my business model, and it’s patently obvious that it’s replicable because I stole it from every other recording artist in the world.

Here are some things I do differently from some other artists: I own all my music 100%, which means I have complete control over how I sell it (or not). I can give it away, I can bundle it on a USB key or in a zip file, I can allow people to make and post music videos, and I don’t have to deal with lawyers or labels to do any of that. I also get all the profits. During Thing a Week I released every single weekly song that I wrote for free, whether they were good or not, without worrying about whether people would buy them (though I hoped they would). I am extremely public about my creative process, hopes and fears, victories and failures. I communicate directly with fans as often as I can without letting it become my full-time job. I’ve never made a music video. I have extremely low overhead. Most of my sales are digital, which means there are almost no distribution costs. I have never spent any money on marketing and rely completely on blogs, podcasts and social networks to spread the word. I tour solo with an acoustic guitar (used to anyway), and I only play in cities where I have already ascertained there is going to be an audience. I record by myself at home (again, used to!) using equipment that is not very expensive, and that I don’t know how to use very well.

My business model is designed especially for me, by me, and it constantly changes and evolves – I’m now working on an album, with a band and a producer, I’m spending money at a real studio, and I will probably spend money on more traditional marketing and radio promotion before I’m through. Nobody, not even me, should try to do exactly what I’ve done, because there are parts of it that won’t make sense for who you are or what you’re interested in. If you’re a band with a lot of people and equipment, you’re going to need a different touring strategy. If you don’t write nerdy songs, you will have to figure out what your version of Slashdot is. If you are Steely Dan, you will not want to record onto a Mac Mini through an SM58. If you hate writing, please don’t set up a blog. Know only this: to do this you need to work extremely hard, make music that is great, and find people to buy it from you. The end.

So is it replicable? Of course it is! For goodness sake, even the Snuggie is replicable. In fact, the Snuggie itself is a replicant of the Slanket, how’s that for a mindblower? (See also the Cudlee, and the German product Doojo, which has gloves.) I can’t believe I have to point this out, but there are plenty of artists making music and using unique and creative promotional techniques to sell it directly to fans (say it with me, won’t you?): Trent Reznor, Radiohead, Amanda Palmer, Paul and Storm, Marian Call, OK Go, MC Frontalot, MC Lars, the list goes on and on and gets larger every day. We are successful to varying degrees and we have different ways of doing things, some of us came from labels, went to labels, or eschewed labels entirely, but we are all participating in the same basic re-jiggering of the spreadsheet. I obviously don’t know the details of everyone’s business, but I’m guessing that we have this one thing in common: we’ve all decided that it’s fine with us if we reach fewer people as long as we reach them more directly. The revolution in the music industry (which has already happened by the way) is one of efficiency, and it means that success is now possible on a much smaller scale. Nobody has to sell out Madison Square Garden anymore to make a living.

And that is the point. That is what’s inarguably different today because of the internet. We now have an entirely new set of contexts and they come with a whole new set of tools that give us cheap and easy access to all of them – niche has gone mainstream. It is no longer necessary to organize your business or your art around geography, or storage space, or capital, or what’s cool in your town, or any other physical constraint. And this is not to say that anyone can become a moderately successful rockstar just by starting a blog – success is still going to be a rare and miraculous thing, as it has always been. There are just a lot more ways to get there than there used to be, and people are finding new ones every day.

I don’t know why the “funny geeky songs” thing seems to distract people so much from this reality during these discussions, but it does. I’ve had a lot of conversations with industry analysts and insiders, and this kind of hand waving and designation of “fluke” is a sadly familiar phenomenon. And it’s a shame, because before we decide if the internet is “good or bad,” there are some really important questions we should try to answer first. I don’t know the answer to any of these, but I sure am curious to find out. How much money is actually being made in this space that never gets tracked as part of the music industry? What percentage of full time professional artists are making a living, and how does that compare to the old record biz? From an economist’s perspective, is filesharing/piracy hurting artists, or just labels (or is it hurting anyone)? How can the people who used to work at labels continue to have careers bringing valuable services to artists now that the landscape has changed? What are the efficiency breakthroughs that we have yet to discover, who’s going to figure out how to profit from this shakeup? How can we rethink antiquated intellectual property laws in a way that continues to “promote the progress of science and useful arts?” And finally, how can I keep my arms warm without putting on a sweater, which is apparently such a huge burden to so many people?

I honestly don’t fault Frannie and Jacob for having negative opinions about me or different opinions about any of these issues. And I’m not trying to ignite a flame war or tear anybody down. I’m simply amazed and disappointed that none of these questions ever came up in a conversation about the internet and the music business, on a podcast, here in the year 2011. It just feels like a huge missed opportunity, and it makes me sad.

Actually, I take it back, they did address that last one didn’t they?

I should know better than to write this sort of post, because it will inevitably come across as a peevish and whiney response to being called a Snuggie. It probably is that to some extent, and I’m already sorry about it. I am really trying to transcend that though, because I think this stuff is so important. I wouldn’t have authorized Alex to reveal the horribly embarrassing revenue number that I can’t even comfortably mention here if I didn’t think that it would, to some extent, move this conversation past the point where people equate “Code Monkey” with “Hamster Dance” and call it a day. I’m disappointed that it did not. And it’s not about my personal ego. OK, maybe it is a little, but I truly believe that the sooner we all acknowledge the internet is not actually killing art, the sooner we can get back to making things that are awesome.

Now is a better time to be a musician, or a fan of music, than any other time in all of human history. Discuss…

Off you go Pig. Wherever you are I hope they have a lot of suitcases to pee in…

It’s all happening! I’ve bought my flights and everything. Tickets should now be on sale for all these shows – there was some confusion about the London show, but it is NOT sold out and it has NOT moved to Dingwall’s. I can already taste that delicious brown sauce…

Harbourside, Bristol, UK – Colston Hall
Thursday June 9 at 8 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/hGxE6i
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Manchester, UK – Manchester Academy 3
Friday June 10 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/hJMnsr
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

London, UK – Union Chapel
Saturday June 11 at 7 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/kgg5uY
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Amsterdam, NL – Melkweg (Oude Zaal)
Monday June 13 at 8:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/mrJFUz
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

I’m getting lots of questions on Twitter and in emails, so this is an attempt to answer some of them in one fell swoop. Ready?

Can I buy this song anywhere?
Not as of this writing, and I don’t know when you will be able to. The song and the recording are owned by Valve, so I’m not at all involved with what happens to it next. I happen to know that they’re planning on putting out a sound track, more than likely it will be on iTunes and Amazon and other places just like the sound track for the first Portal. But I don’t know when that will be – I’ve heard them say “soon.”

What about Rock Band? A karaoke version? Source tracks for remixes?
See above – not up to me. I hope that Valve will do all these things though.

This is under Creative Commons like all your other stuff right? So I cover this song? Create a parody? Make a video?
It is not under Creative Commons. Technically you would have to get permission from Valve to do something with it. In the past they’ve not seemed to mind all the crazy things people did with Still Alive, so if I had to guess (and I do), I would say that as long as you weren’t profiting from it in some way, they’d generally be supportive of fan-created stuff. But this is not legal advice, and I certainly can’t give you (or refuse you) permission to do anything.

Are you going to release your own version with you singing, the way you did with Still Alive?
I might. In fact I have permission to do that from Valve. I’m not yet sure what form that would take – the new song is so much more dependent on the arrangement and all the electronics that I haven’t quite figured out another way to make it work. But you’ll be sure to know when that happens, because I will tell you. I am finishing up a new recording of Still Alive that I did in the studio with the new band, with guest vocalist Sara Quin from Tegan and Sara, keyboards from Loser’s Lounge superstar Joe McGinty, and professional thereminista Dorit Chrysler. That version will go on the new album, I don’t know yet if there will also be a version of the Portal 2 song.

Are you going to play this song live at shows?
Eventually. For now I think it’s a little too close to when the game was released. It’s debatable whether or not the song contains actual spoilers, but it is certainly true that hearing it outside the context of the game will be a different experience. So I want to make sure I’ve given people plenty of time to buy and play the game before I start forcing it on them at shows. I don’t know exactly when that will be, sort of going to play it by ear.

Did you play the game before you wrote the song?
No, they created the game based on a song I made up based on nothing. <–joke. Yes of course! I spoke at great length with the writers as they were finishing things up, and I had an early version of the game that I was able to play through. I thought a lot about GlaDOS and her new experiences, what she was experiencing in this story, and there is a lot of new stuff that comes to light. Much later when it is less spoilery I can talk with more specificity about what things mean and what I think is going on in her head. But certainly I tried very hard to hit the moving target that was the story of the game, and a big part of that was playing it – it’s really the only way to know how the player is going to feel by the end, what they’ll know, what they’ll expect, what will make them go aha!

Did you write any other music for the game?
No. The song that plays through that radio you find is by The National, all the great turret stuff is by Valve composer Mike Morasky.

How did you make this recording?
I wrote it on guitar, made some scratch tracks of synths and drums and things, sort of worked it out from there. The opening musical idea was inspired by a drum loop that Flansburgh sent me, part of a giant “inspiration pack” of drum loops to help kick start some songwriting for my album. It just seemed to fit what I was doing with the Portal song, so I tweaked it and stuffed it in. I took a demo version with my scratch vocal to Valve to go into a studio there and record Ellen McLain singing it. We did the processing of her voice back in the Valve offices. I took that track and all my instrument tracks back to the NYC studio where I had been working on my album, and John Flansburgh and Pat Dillett and I messed with the arrangement. So really it’s the same producer (Flansburgh) and sound engineer (Dillett) team I’ve been working with on the new album. We took out a track here and there, changed a sound here and there, mixed, EQ’d. It was Flansburgh’s idea to drop out the instruments on “Oh, did you think I meant you?” which still gives me shivers.

I think that’s most of the main questions, but I’ll update here if I come across more. Thanks for all the positive feedback everyone, I feel very lucky to once again be involved with something as wonderful as Portal 2.

In an effort to nearly DOUBLE the size of the audience for the Milwaukee show this Sunday, I’m giving away a pair of tickets to one lucky winner. I stole this contest mechanism from Scalzi, and I love it because it demands practically zero work from me! So here’s the deal:

I have chosen a time of day today that is secret because it is KNOWN ONLY TO ME. To enter this contest you must simply @ reply to me (I am @jonathancoulton) on Twitter and include the hashtag #JoCoInMilwaukee. The person whose tweet is tagged with the time closest to my secret time without going over will win the tickets. Times will all be in my time zone here in NYC. You may give away one or both tickets to someone else if you win. You may enter more than once but please no bots – I will know if you are using some sort of trickery because my reply stream will be flooded with minute-by-minute replies from you all day long.

In case there is something dumb this contest – my final decision is final even if it’s totally unfair, I am the boss of you on any media known or hereafter devised, throughout the known universe in perpetuity, etc. etc. I will hear no bellyaching!

It is currently 9:41 in New York City. The winning time is some minute after that. Go!

Hello! This is an update about where I will be, when I will be there, and what I will be doing.

First! Good news for those of you in the Midwest: I’m bringing the band to Chicago, Madison and Milwaukee. That’s right, band PLUS Paul and Storm, which is practically a show with TWO ORCHESTRAS! Did I mention Madison and Milwaukee? Because those were recently added to this trip and I just wanted to make sure I had mentioned them. Great!

Second! More good news for some of you in the UK: I’m going to go to there! Details still in the works, and tickets will be on sale soon, but for now I can tell you Bristol June 9, Manchester June 10, and London June 11. Plus incredible bonus city which is not in the UK, Amsterdam, on Monday June 13. Watch the Twitter and the mailing list, more announcements about those gigs coming soon.

Third! Album! Yes! Release date is not 2013, despite what you may have heard. Release date is more likely some time this Summer. You will know soon.

Chicago, IL – Park West
Friday April 22 at 8PM
Tickets: bit.ly/gs4LAh
Band show with Paul and Storm

Madison, WI – Majestic Theater
Saturday April 23 at 8PM
Tickets: bit.ly/eJIBfq
Band show with Paul and Storm

Milwaukee, WI – Shank Hall
Sunday April 24 at 8PM
Tickets: bit.ly/ebvI0p
Band show with Paul and Storm

Minneapolis, MN – Guthrie Theater
Monday April 25 at 7:30PM
Tickets: bit.ly/f6MJfc
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Richmond, VA – Hat Factory
Thursday May 5 at 7:30PM
Tickets: bit.ly/fu7Kjp
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Alexandria, VA – The Birchmere
Friday May 6 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/ihg2kZ
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Annapolis, MD – Ram’s Head Tavern
Saturday May 7 at 8:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/eiaYUx
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Ottawa, ON – Gladstone Theater
Friday May 27 at 8 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/eXkbgw
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Toronto, ON – The Mod Club
Saturday May 28 at 8 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/gUDgGt
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

That’s all I got. Happy tax day, suckers.

-j

In fact, I can give you some details right now. Unfortunately due to various travel and recording schedules, I have to do a kind of shortened trip this year. I am extremely sorry and PERSONALLY DISAPPOINTED to tell you that I will not be coming to Ireland, or Glasgow or Edinburgh. I love all those places, but I couldn’t make it work. That’s the bad news. I swear that once this new record is out I’ll have more time to plan a longer and more extensive tour in the future, and just try and stop me from coming back to those cities when I do.

The good news is that I will play acoustic shows with Paul and Storm in Bristol on June 9th, Manchester on June 10th, and London on June 11th. I think I’m also going to be able to sneak in a first time ever Amsterdam show (!) on June 13th. I’ll post the specifics here and on the twitters and to the mailing list when I have them, which hopefully should be sometime soon.

Houseboat, emmer effers.

The new album will probably come out this Summer, not in 2013 as John Flansburgh joked on Twitter. I don’t have a precise date yet, but we’re nearly done. Really.

The new version of “Still Alive” is not for Portal 2, or for Portal 3, it’s just another song that will probably go on my record. Portal 2 is being released in a matter of days, and all jokes about Valve time aside, they’re not THAT behind schedule. Portal 3 isn’t on anyone’s radar as far as I know.

I did write a song for Portal 2, a new song, and you’ll have to wait until you get the game to hear anything else about it.

The collaboration on this new version is NOT with They Might Be Giants, though I admit that part is confusing because Flansburgh tweets using the @TMBG account. But only Flansburgh is producing my record, and of the two Johns, he is the only one involved in this new version of Still Alive. Also confusing, Flansburgh snapped this photo of me and John Linnell and Joe McGinty (who DOES play on the new version of Still Alive) in the studio. I’m recording in the same studio TMBG is recording in, so I arrived when Mr. Linnell was leaving (he insists on me calling him “Mr. Linnell <--joke).

New version of Still Alive includes: Marty Beller on drums, Chris Anderson on bass guitar, me on some things, Sara Quin of Tegan and Sara singing the lead vocal, Joe McGinty of Loser’s Lounge (and, like, everywhere else) playing keyboardy things, and Dorit Chrysler on the new theremin introduction I wrote. I have to say, it’s incredible to be working with all these talented people, and it’s really fun to take this song that’s been kicking around in my repertoire for so long and breathe some new life into it. I hope you will like it as much as I do. We also shot a video while we were recording, so we’ll see what happens with that.

I hope that sets the record straight. Now, back to work on this John Hodgman one man musical about lobsters.

Hiya.

Just an update on what’s cooking at JoCo Industries over the next couple of months (hint: I’m playing some shows).

Boston, MA – Bigass Convention Center
Saturday March 12, show time super late
PAX East! With the band!
Details: east.paxsite.com/
I’ll be there all weekend, and will spend as much time as I can at the Bandland table selling and signing things. I tend to plan things at the last minute, so watch Twitter for updates, I’ll let you know when the store is open.

Nashville, TN – 3rd and Lindsley
Thursday March 24 at 7PM
Tickets: bit.ly/gTXeBc
Band show

Asheville, NC – The Grey Eagle
Friday March 25 at 9PM
Tickets: bit.ly/efIpz1
Band show

Chicago, IL – Park West
Friday April 22 at 8PM
Tickets: bit.ly/gs4LAh
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Minneapolis, MN – Guthrie Theater
Monday April 25 at 7:30PM
Tickets: bit.ly/f6MJfc
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Richmond, VA – Hat Factory
Thursday May 5 at 7:30PM
Tickets: bit.ly/fu7Kjp
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Alexandria, VA – The Birchmere
Friday May 6 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/ihg2kZ
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Annapolis, MD – Ram’s Head Tavern
Saturday May 7 at 8:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/eiaYUx
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm

Details on the shows page as always: www.jonathancoulton.com/shows. Please double check start times, vegetarian food options, parking situations and all other facts before making plans, because I am FREQUENTLY WRONG ABOUT THINGS.

New album. Yes. Soon.

Seattle, Portland, and Vancouver are the next cities to have a chance to call me Judas, when I bring the rock (and the band) there in February. I’m excited to announce that JoCo Cruise Crazy phenom Mike Phirman will be opening for me all three shows. He’s a delightful fellow, a talented musician, and a very funny guy who absolutely killed on the cruise. You would not be crazy to come to these shows just to see him, never mind my dumb set.

OK, wintery mix, have to go salt the car.

In spite of the fact that I still have plenty of work to do writing and recording songs for this new album, I do have a few shows coming up. You should totally come see them! Many of them will be band shows, all of them will include at least some new stuff from the new record. I’m trying out this “touring with a band” thing and we’ll see how it goes. For those of you (most of you) who have never seen a band show, it means me playing a mix of old and new stuff on the electric guitar with the band, plus a chunk of just me on acoustic. THE VERY BEST OF BOTH WORLDS!
 
Anyways:
 
Pittsburgh, PA - Rex Theater
Friday Jan 28 at 8 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/gpIYLJ
This will be a show with the new band, at which I will play A BUNCH of new material. Paul and Storm will open too, and I have to tell you, that’s an awful lot of entertainment.
 
Baltimore, MD – The 8×10
Saturday Jan 29 at 7 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/dYb8cb
Another band show, but no Paul and Storm this time.
 
Philadelphia, PA – World Cafe Live
Monday Jan 31 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/dVUa2s
Band show, Paul and Storm. Again, how could you say no to this enormous chunk o’ fun?
 
Portland, OR – Aladdin Theater
Thursday Feb 17 at 8 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/f6zoV5
Band show, some opening act yet to be determined.
 
Vancouver, BC – Rio Theater
Friday Feb 18 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/fsESU7
Band show, some opening act yet to be determined.

Seattle, WA – Triple Door
Sunday Feb 20 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/hzdXGb
Band show, some opening act yet to be determined.
 
Boston, MA – Bigass Convention Center
Friday March 11 – Sunday March 13, show time TBD
PAX East!
Excited to be coming back to this. Probably will bring the band. They haven’t told me yet when I’ll be playing, but in past years at PAX it’s usually Saturday night. 
 
Alexandria, VA – The Birchmere
Friday May 6 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/ihg2kZ
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm
 
Annapolis, MD – Ram’s Head Tavern
Saturday May 7 at 8:30 PM
Tickets: http://bit.ly/eiaYUx
Acoustic show with Paul and Storm
 
Other news: the album is still going well, but sheesh, hard work is hard! The cruise was really awesome and we’re trying to figure out when and where we can do another one (see wrapup here: http://bit.ly/dGftfY). 
 
Buy some tickets, would you?
 

1. Yes, I am doing a song for Portal 2, and no it’s not quite finished yet. But while the success of Still Alive is an impossible thing to live up to, I’m pretty happy with how this new one is turning out. I can tell you that the game itself is also going to be great, regardless of how badly I screw up the song. Look for more news on all of that soon.

2. The new album is back in my sights, after the cruise stole all the attention for a few weeks. I’ve got a few more songs to write and record, but already there are 11 great tracks that I’m extremely excited about. You’ve heard a few of them at shows or maybe caught the performances on YouTube, and to my relief and delight you’ve given me a lot of positive feedback. Thank you. I guess you just haven’t heard the bad ones yet though (sigh).

3. Touring! Yes, I am playing shows again. I’m putting together a larger mass email and post and everything, but in the near term I have San Francisco, LA and Denver next week, Pittsburgh and Baltimore and Philadelphia the week after, and then Seattle, Vancouver and Portland in February. Some of these will be with the band, others will be standard acoustic shows with Paul and Storm. Check my show calendar for details.

4. The next cruise: as difficult as it is for me to plan ahead, I think it would be smart to start thinking about the next JoCo Cruise Crazy. This last one went so well, we’d be nuts to never do it again. I’d like to get some feedback from everyone though, just to see how this one went for you if you were there, and what things might most entice you to join us on the next one if you weren’t. If you have a moment, please take the poll here.

More news as it happens…

Somewhere in between when we decided to do this and when it actually happened, I started to get a little freaked out. It felt like maybe this time I had gone too far, asked for too much. What were we thinking setting up a thing like this? We talked a bunch of our professional entertainer friends into giving up a week of their time, and then suddenly people were plunking down large sums of money to attend, and the whole thing was a big unknown. Would it be fun? Would the ship lose power and need to be towed back to port while we all suffered from gastrointestinal distress? Would I be stabbed by a crazy fan? (yes, no and no). But the main source of my anxiety was wanting everyone to have a good time, and that anxiety disappeared the moment we were all together. That’s all because of you guys. I’ve said it before, and I need to say it again here: I have the greatest fans in the world.

For me the strongest illustration of your awesomeness was the JoCo Karaoke nights. Person after person got up there to sing their favorite song in front of me and everyone else. Some of them were great, some of them were, let’s just say, “not great,” but every single person without exception was strongly supported and loudly cheered. I’m pretty sure the worst singers got the biggest response.

That inclusiveness and enthusiasm covered everything like delicious buttercream frosting. The Paul F. Tompkins mustache formal was a ridiculous idea that everyone embraced wholeheartedly in a way that made me absolutely giddy. The gaming room was stuffed full whenever I saw it, and stayed active until the early morning hours. The swing dancing, the iPhone handbell concert, the Fancy Pants Parade – all the little unofficial things that came directly from you guys made the whole thing special in a way that I did not anticipate.

Of course all of the performers were wonderful, as I knew they would be. I was delighted to watch some of you hear and see a few of them for the first time, but it was even more exciting to watch them meet YOU. Everyone felt welcomed and loved, and I was not surprised, because that’s how you make me feel all the time no matter how much I suck (witness: you loudly applauded the very worst performance of The Presidents I have ever done). It’s a great pleasure to have such complete trust in an audience, and it makes me very happy to put some of my favorite performers and you in the same place together.

So thank you for everything. I hope you had as wonderful a time as I did. Too much to say. In no particular order:

Paul F. Tompkins: I hope you will not take offense to the various ways we joked about your absence on the ship, we were only trying to make ourselves feel better about missing out on your company and talent. His website is paulftompkins.com, his twitter is @PFTomkins, his podcast is pft.libsyn.com.

Paul and Storm: Thank you for all your hard work and anxiety sharing, I could not have done this without you. Their website is paulandstorm.com, their twitter is @PaulandStorm, their podcast is paulandstorm.com/archives/category/podcast.

John Hodgman: Thank you for your mustache, which is growing on me even more than it is growing on you. His website is areasofmyexpertise.com, his twitter is @Hodgman, his podcast is maximumfun.org/shows/judge-john-hodgman.

Wil Wheaton: You are an inspiration, and I hope you don’t take offense, but the main reason I’m glad you were there is that I finally got to meet the famous Nolan and Ryan. His website is wilwheaton.typepad.com, his twitter is @WilW.

Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy: You are as warm and fun as you are talented, I’m a bigger fanboy than would make you comfortable if you knew. Their website is rifftrax.com, their twitters are @kwmurphy and @BillCorbett.

Molly Lewis: You continue to kick ass in a way that makes the rest of us kind of hate you a little, in a good way. Her website is sweetafton23.com, her twitter is @Molly23, her YouTube channel is youtube.com/user/sweetafton23.

Mike Phirman: See above. You killed, as I suspected you might. His website is mikephirman.com, his twitter is @phirm, his amazing album is music.mikephirman.com and you should please give him money for it.

Stepto: Thank you for stepping in at the last minute and thanks for protecting us all from douchebags. His website is stepto.com, his twitter is @Stepto, his book is stepto.com/Lists/Posts/Post.aspx?ID=641.

John Roderick: And you thought you didn’t belong there. Thanks for letting us do Commander with you. His band is called “The Long Winters” (which I think I failed to mention even ONCE), their website is thelongwinters.com, his twitter is @johnroderick, and there is plenty more where that came from.

Peter Sagal: Doing that quiz show with you reminded me that I am not quick-witted enough to ever do what you do – you have a superpower. His website is petersagal.com, his twitter is @petersagal.

David Rees: Your enthusiasm is infectious, your talents are vast and difficult to describe, and your pencils are very sharp. His website is mnftiu.cc, his twitter is @letsgetshort, his many projects are to numerous for me to link to here but all wonderful.

Liz: I am speechless, and can only croak out “Thank you.” Her twitter is @Dammit_Liz, her skillz are mad.

Finally, I just want to link here to the winners of the video contest, which for technical reasons could not be shown onboard as planned. Thanks to everyone for spending time on this, your videos were all great.

The winner:

The runners up:

ENOUGH! Thank you one and all, I hope to do this again, and I’ll let everyone know as soon as I know where and when and how.

In case you don’t follow the JoCo Cruise Crazy blog, which you really should because David Rees has hijacked it and made it sing, we’ve just posted the official schedule of events. There’s a big concert/show every evening, a couple of morning events on the days we’re at sea, and a few blocks of time in rooms dedicated to gaming and playing Rock Band. We’re also still working on a few semi official hangout situations, places and times to be determined. Rest assured though, we’re trying to leave space to enjoy the cruise itself, which means we’re trying hard not to schedule anything to interfere with enjoying the days we are in a port (at port? On Port? Au Port?).

Are you too lazy to click on links? OK then.

Now if you will excuse me, I have to go lose 20 pounds.

It seems to have become a tradition for a few fans to get together and make me a birthday present every year, and it always flatters and amazes me. I know you are listening to the music because I can see you buy it, and I can hear you singing along at shows, but to actually watch the stuff that I put out there echo off of you and come back to me in this way is just remarkable. Thank you.

OK. Now, who wants to give me a colonoscopy?

No no! Ha ha, it’s funny you would think that. Very funny. I only wanted to remind you that the holiday season is upon us, the time of year when you buy things to give to other people. “Gifts” they are called. Just in case you are stuck for ideas, may I recommend a few options? Having nothing to do with me of course, these are just things I think a lot of people would REALLY LOVE to have:

Many Hands: Family Music for Haiti

This is the only place you can get the newest released Jonathan Coulton song “The Princess Who Saved Herself” and some of your $$$ will go to the Haitian People’s Support Project. Even aside from that, it’s a terrific collection of family music. Also available at Amazon.

Jonathan Coulton USB Thumb Drive

If you don’t care about Haiti or helping people or families, you can always purchase the Jonathan Coulton USB Thumb Drive. It’s got all the music I’ve ever released in high quality mp3 format (except not the above-mentioned princess song, and not the DVD stuff), plus artwork, plus source tracks for everything on JoCo Looks Back. You can even buy a pre-autographed version through Topatoco.

Jonathan Coulton Tshirts

There’s a mess o’ nice ones over at Topatoco.com, including a couple that I never have with me at shows, and so to the Jonathan Coulton fan on your holiday gift-giving list, they may be new and fantastically special. (OK, that last one is through CafePress, which we all know makes kind of terrible shirts. I mostly include it so the table is even. But still!)

Really I am just trying to help you. I’m a helpful guy.

Hello! If it seems like I haven’t written in a while, it’s because I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been hard at work on a new album with all new material, which apparently means I have to write a lot of songs and do a lot of work. Which is totally OK with me! I love to work!

Here are the things I want to tell you about.

1) The New Record Album

Yes, it’s going very well thank you. We’ve got a bunch of stuff recorded and it’s very exciting to hear it coming together. I still have to write a couple more “good ones” but the ones I already have are not too shabby. The band sounds fantastic and John Flansburgh and I are bringing in a bunch of other talented musicians to play their talented instruments. It’s good stuff, and I hope to have a clearer idea of when it will actually be finished and you can hear it. Stay tuned.

2) The Cruise

Also going well – we’ve pulled together a nice lineup of entertainers and it’s going to be a TON of fun. In case you missed the late additions, here’s the complete lineup as of now: John Hodgman, Wil Wheaton, Paul and Storm, Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy, Molly Lewis, Mike Phirman, and WAIT THERE’S MORE! John Roderick, Paul F. Tompkins, and Peter Sagal. Plus me. As I say, a TON of fun. For more details and updates check out www.jococruisecrazy.com.

3) Some Shows

There’s not a lot of touring happening these days, I have too much work to do writing good songs. But there are some opportunities to see me do my thang (i.e., play the guitar and sing about it). Look at this.

New York, NY – Best Buy Theater
W00tstock 2.7 (in which I play the role of Wil Wheaton)
Friday October 29 at 7 PM
Guests include: MC Frontalot, Marian Call, Jason Finn (and of course Paul and Storm and Adam Savage) PLUS EVEN MORE. I promise I will even play some new songs (Boo! We like the old stuff better!)
Tickets: bit.ly/acxghO

Raleigh, NC – Lincoln Theater
Jonathan Coulton Acoustic (I have to specify now, there is a band sometimes)
With Paul and Storm
Thursday December 2 at TBD
Details and tickets to come!

Atlanta, GA – Variety Theater
Jonathan Coulton Acoustic
With Paul and Storm
Friday December 3 at 8:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/1Ny2zs

And that’s it for now.

Many of you have asked if I’m planning on changing the lyrics or retiring the song. I’m not sure yet, but I don’t think I’ll do either of those things. I like the song and it would be a shame not to play it anymore, so retiring it is extremely unlikely. Changing the lyrics, I don’t know. On the one hand, the song is now factually inaccurate. Of course that hasn’t stopped me before. As many of you have pointed out, my description of the Mandelbrot Set in the song is at best incomplete, and at worst plain wrong. This failing of mine is even mentioned in the wikipedia article about the set, so that’s great (although if you look at the Popular Culture section of that article you’ll see that Arthur C. Clarke seems to have gotten it even more wrong than me – just saying).

On the other hand, that’s the song. It’s how I wrote it, and it was true then. It’s a snapshot of a certain time. I’ve never fixed the math error and it never bothered me all that much because you know, close enough. In the Times obit Mandelbrot is quoted as saying that he didn’t really like to prove his insights, he mostly liked to make crazy conjectures to make everyone think about stuff. That sounds about right to me. I like to think that Mandelbrot in particular would appreciate the “close enough” nature of my description. (And just to answer another FAQ, I know he’s heard the song: he talks about it briefly in this Big Think Interview.)

Not to get too heavy on you, but truth itself has a kind of fractal component – you can be right at one scale, but then zoom in and discover you had it all wrong. I stopped trusting people with absolute opinions the day I understood the answer to the question “How long is the coast of Britain?” is “It depends.” Not coincidentally that was the same day I discovered Mandelbrot. That was the question that led him to invent a new branch of mathematics by creating a way to quantify and discuss this kind of weirdness, and it changed the way we think about all sorts of things.

I’m leery of writing this post because I wouldn’t feel right about becoming the artist with the Official Mandelbrot Mourning Song. But it’s true that I still get a little misty when I sing those lyrics and remember what they mean to me – that everything around us is at least a little weird and unknowable and that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

That caveat aside, I leave you with one of my favorite fan videos, chalkboard animation made a few years ago by some Cornell students. I’m grateful to geekdad for reminding me that it existed.

Five years later here I am, going into a studio to work on an album with one of my heroes that I never imagined I would meet, let alone work with. And it turns out I have to write a lot of songs very quickly again. It feels harder now, there’s a lot more to live up to than there was when most of my web traffic came from my Mom. But it’s instructive to remember what it was like to just write and not care because nobody was listening – good stuff comes from those circumstances. So I’m doing my best to continue not caring.

Anyway, I’m re-running Thing a Week in real time if you’d like to ride that roller coaster again. I have set up a Tumblr for this purpose. So far two weeks have gone by in secret, I hope the 9 followers who somehow found it have been enjoying it.

Go look: thingaweekredux.com

Look everyone, Len made an image for a new Jonathan Coulton song! That hasn’t happened in about 50 years it seems like. For those who don’t know (is there anyone?) Len Peralta is the talented visual artist person who made an image for each Thing a Week song way back when. Above is the image he made to go with my new song.

I was asked to contribute a new song to this CD of kid’s music called Many Hands, the proceeds of which benefit the Haitian People’s Support Project. It’s an amazing list of artists – Dan Zanes, TMBG, frigging Pete Seeger – so I was honored to be invited. I wrote a song called “The Princess Who Saved Herself” because my daughter is obsessed with princesses, so I am forced to think and talk about them a lot. None of them really kick ass as much as I hope my daughter kicks ass when she’s all grown up, so I made up one that does (she ate a whole cake!). All recorded at home old school style, with a little assist from my sister in the comedic harpsichord bridge.

It’s for charity, so I’m not going to give it away here, but you can listen and buy at iTunes and Amazon. The song is exclusive to this CD, and the CD itself is a fantastically large and delicious collection of family music, so you should probably buy the whole thing anyway.

AND, question for the parental section of the hive mind: what are your top five family friendly tracks of mine? What’s a hit with the kids and also guaranteed not to embarrass you in front of other parents? Radio stations are asking and I’m not sure what to tell them. Not First of May, right?

The world has caught JoCo Cruise Crazy Fever! Not the entire world, but at least some of it! I’m gratified to see so many people signing up for a good time on a boat with me and my famous entertainer friends. It’s going to be so off the hook that the dial tone is going to stop and it’s going to start making that fast busy signal sound and then a recording is going to play that says “Please hang up the phone and try your call again.” I AM SERIOUS!

If you share my excitement then probably you’ll want to know about these new JoCo Cruise Crazy contests. Here are the things you can win:

1. Cruise Giveaway: win a free cruise for two!
2. Video Madness: win free awesome things from ThinkGeek!
3. Monarch of the Seas: win a fake royalty title that we made up and be forced to wear a dumb crown or something!

All the details can be found on this page right here. And I can assure you that these are not the kind of contests where when you win you get sent to a mysterious island with a smoke monster. The smoke monster will be on the boat (hint: the smoke monster is John Hodgman).

Just yesterday we went into a real, like, STUDIO studio and recorded ourselves running through the set of new songs so we could hear how we sounded and make some arrangement tweaks. We sounded pretty good. This is going to be fun.

Thursday: Iron Horse in Northampton, MA
Friday: Somerville Theater in Somerville, MA
Later: More

Things are coming together nicely in rehearsals, and I have to say it’s sounding kind of awesome a lot of the time. Every day in every way I am a better and better electric guitar player. We’ve also got quite a few classic Coulton songs on the menu, and while they are not new, playing them with the band sure does make them shiny. We’re talking power trio right now: the drummer is Marty Beller (on loan from TMBG) and the bass player is Chris Anderson (on loan from Wired magazine JUST KIDDING IT’S A DIFFERENT CHRIS ANDERSON). They’re both great. We kind of rock sometimes even.

Also, any reports you’ve heard that the Somerville show is sold out are false – painfully, extremely, practically the opposite kind of false. Just saying.

Right, back to rocking.

Come cruise with me, and MAYBE FALL IN LOVE (but probably not)! There are plenty more details on the site, but here are the basics: it’s a 6-day cruise on Holland America’s ms Eurodam from Ft. Lauderdale January 2-8, 2011 with ports of call at Half Moon Cay, Bahamas; Falmouth, Jamaica; and Georgetown, Cayman Islands. There will be entertainment of the comedy and music variety every day from me, Paul and Storm, John Hodgman, Wil Wheaton, Molly Lewis, Mike Phirman, and Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy from Rifftrax. It’s going to be fantastic.

Tickets are on sale: book now if you dare!

Twitter responded to me with a few facts and theories: this might be hypernasality, it might also be a pharyngealized nasalized falsetto, the talent is not limited to men (though I can’t think of a female example in a movie or cartoon). It feels like making an R sound but more so. Something with the soft palatte?

Why is there not a written history of this technique and all its practitioners? We haven’t even invented a name for it? What is the internet good for if not for this?

I need an answer people.

You know how I like to jump on a bandwagon – for goodness sake, my Twitter icon is still green even though democracy has long since been restored in Iran. I’m a sheep. And I love to bash all the evil corporations as much as the next fellow, and it certainly seemed to me that I had been wronged. I didn’t remember ever giving Viacom permission to display “Flickr.” Except that I had.

Soon after tweeting that Viacom owed me $37 and making a joke about how I was going to sue them for it, I was contacted by a VP of Corporate Communications at Viacom, let’s call him Downtown Julie Brown. Downtown Julie Brown explained that when they caught wind of the issue they immediately took down the “Flickr” video from Spike. Then they looked into their records and found an email exchange from 2006 where I had spoken to a producer of a VH1 TV show about viral videos who was also in charge of the viral video channel at iFilm, also a Viacom property. In this email exchange (which they had to forward me because I had only a vague recollection of it), the producer and I talked about the possibility of airing “Flickr” on the VH1 show about viral videos – more on this later. He also asked if it would be OK if they put “Flickr” on iFilm to which I responded “Looks good!” without a moment’s hesitation. Downtown Julie Brown explained to me that iFilm was later rebranded as Spike, so really I HAD given Viacom permission to display the video.

But of course the real issue was the ads. Somebody was making money from those ads and it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t the owners of the copyright on the Creative Commons licensed photos I used. This is the $37 we’re talking about. The question was, did iFilm have ads at the time? I asked Downtown Julie Brown about this, and he said that at that time iFilm did have ads. He doesn’t know whether they were embedded in the video the way they are now, or just some kind of banner ad on the page, but he says that there were definitely ads on the video pages.

So who’s the idiot? Me. I should have investigated the nature of iFilm a little more before saying yes – if the display of the video was commercial in nature, which it appears to have been, then permission was not mine to give. This is because the photos are CC licensed for noncommercial use. I would have to get permission from all those photographers to use the video in a commercial way. I confess that at the time I was so thrilled that anyone cared I just didn’t think about it. Neither did I think about the fact that the video could also not appear on television for the same reason. Thankfully they decided to air a video of some hot girls kissing instead.

So please stop emailing Viacom about my $37 (and note that it was never my $37 to begin with because of Creative Commons). I’m sorry to have to stop a fun pitchfork waving session, but it appears that at least in the case of me and my video, Viacom has tried to do the right thing. I’m also sorry to derail what was an exciting traffic situation for the Vlogbrothers, both of whom I admire greatly and think are fantastic. I will also say that all my discussions with Downtown Julie Brown, after a semi-bristly kind of legal posturing beginning on both our parts, were frank and honest and civil. It is nice to have a conversation like that about these sorts of things, and it gives me hope. [UPDATE: Also, a bunch of people in Downtown Julie Brown's office got together and donated $500 to this cause yesterday in my name, which was very kind. I would have spent the $37 on drugs probably.]

Because here’s the problem: this stuff is COMPLICATED. I didn’t remember I had given them permission, and at the time I didn’t even think it through to realize I was not technically able to give permission. Then iFilm became Spike without me noticing. It’s possible things changed from iFilm to Spike in the way ads are displayed and used, but I’d be willing to bet it’s pretty hard for a company like Viacom or YouTube to easily contact all the owners of all the IP that’s in their database and let them know about that sort of change. There’s a crazy lattice of IP and companies and copyright owners and terms of service on the internet, and nobody’s got control of it, all of which is sort of the point. And look, I think about this stuff VERY HARD all the time, and I try VERY HARD to always do the right thing and even I got it wrong. Over the last few years I’ve met and talked with a lot of people on all sides of these issues, and while I’ve disagreed with some of them, I’ve never met one who didn’t think they were doing their best to do the right thing. As tempting as it is to imagine, companies are almost never headed up by people who twirl their mustaches and go mwa-ha-ha. It’s complicated, nobody knows how to fix it, and it’s likely to keep a lot of lawyers in business for a long time.

So anyway, sorry about the kerfuffle. Sorry about the $37. Sorry about the green Twitter icon. Back to writing songs about mustaches.

First of May

Space Doggity

There’s also this new and improved Code Monkey Tshirt – it’s a graphic from good old Len that you may have seen before, but there are some new colors and the HTML tag is now closed (thank goodness).

Also a new and improved Re: Your Brains Tshirt – we took out the white page portion of the graphic so as to reduce the amount of ink used. I always hate when you have a giant graphic that gives you chest sweats.

And finally the old classic that everyone absolutely LURVES, Skullcrusher Mountain.

Very excited to be working with them – they’re super nice people and handle this sort of thing for a lot of other folks I know. Plus the quality is going to be highly superior to that CafePress business. Now, who wants some shirts?

Iron Horse – Northampton, MA
Thursday July 22 at 7 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/bs6VNn

Somerville Theater – Somerville, MA
Friday July 23 at 7:30 PM
Tickets: bit.ly/cFaSw4

And after that I’ll head back to NYC to write some more and rehearse some more. At some point after that we’ll go into an actual studio and record all my fantastic new songs with talented musicians using high quality audio equipment. Fully licensed audio professionals will record and mix everything. Might put a couple of old ones on there too, maybe a couple from The Aftermath, maybe a couple of deep tracks from the back catalog. But really, mostly new songs, I’m serious this time. I already have at least four that you haven’t heard, and one of them is about mustaches, so that’s good.

As you can imagine, I’m excited but mostly scared about all of this. Here are a few reasons why (I swear I am not fishing for compliments or encouragement – I’m fully invested in this plan and am going to do it no matter what you think, and even if it’s a TERRIBLE DISASTER):

Why The New Project Frightens Jonathan Coulton

1. I barely know anything about playing the electric guitar. For instance, what is an “amplifier?”
2. I’m not sure I can write good songs anymore, and suspect that my best work is behind me.
3. I’m not used to spending money on talented musicians, high quality recording equipment, and fully licensed audio professionals.
4. I fear collaboration with other musicians who might be more talented than me.
5. I’m afraid that even a small change in direction is going to disappoint some fans.
6. I’m worried that even a small change in direction is going to make some aspect of my business not work anymore and that I will have to get a real job.
7. Like most rational humans, I’m pretty sure that I am basically a fraud, and that this move will finally expose my fraudulence for all the world to see.
8. This probably will involve a label and some other new business things that are new to me, I don’t even know what to say about that.
9. Change. Mediocrity. Backlash. Bad reviews. Effort. Internet comments. Mistakes. Regret. Robots.
10. Number 10 is secret.

So, back to work. Mustaches, that’s funny, right?

It is a very special day in Coultonland, a day I like to call “The First of May.” This is a free country, or at least it was until Obama was elected,* and so I do not presume to tell you how to celebrate it. I have no doubt that whatever you do, you will be sure to obey the law and comply with local ordinances. Also please remember that poison ivy has three shiny pointy leaves.

I myself will mostly be staying indoors, but I have already rubbed a couple of butts – no, they were PORK BUTTS, and I rubbed them with SPICES you pervert. What is wrong with you? Later I’m going to cook them on the GIRL.

My gift to you is this mp3 of a relevant track from “BEST. CONCERT. EVER.” You do not have to get me anything, in fact, I think I would prefer that you didn’t.

www.whatarerecords.com/mp3s/Jonathan_Coulton:_First_Of_May.mp3

Happy Spring!

* Sarcasm

First, please note that the following shows are happening:

May 7th-9th
MaxFunCon!
Lake Arrowhead, CA
Pretty sure it’s too late to get tickets to this, but even so: www.maxfuncon.com

Thursday May 13 at 8PM
The Hat Factory in Richmond, VA
With Paul and Storm
Tickets: bit.ly/9DUbkg

Friday May 14 at 9PM
The Lincoln Theater in Raleigh, NC
With Paul and Storm
Tickets: bit.ly/9yGzhH

Saturday May 22 at 8 PM
Sympho’s “Tweetheart”
Church for All Nations in NYC
Sympho is an orchestral concert series run by my friend (and fellow Whiffenpoof!) Paul Haas. Tweetheart is an evening of classical, electronica, and pop songs about love. I’ll be doing one of my songs that he’s arranged for the symphony – it’s going to be really cool I think.
Tickets: bit.ly/awryfl

Thursday May 27 at 7:30PM
Just for Laughs in Montreal, QC
With Paul and Storm
Tickets: bit.ly/aBraSC
If you think I am not going to do “Re: Your Brains” in French while I am in Quebec, then you are crazy. There are still PLENTY of tickets available, if you know what I mean.

Friday May 28 at 8PM
Gladstone Theater in Ottawa, ON
With Paul and Storm
Tickets: bit.ly/92ShRK

Sunday May 30 at 8PM
Enwave Theater in Toronto, ON
With Paul and Storm
Tickets: bit.ly/98K68o

And now for the long wordy part in which I talk about me.

Yes, I have been hiding out of late. You may have noticed my last blog update was OVER A MONTH AGO, and I’ve been awfully quiet on the Twitter. And of course I continue to completely ignore Facebook and MySpace, though that’s mostly because I am an old person. This year had a busy start with a lot of touring, all really great shows with some lovely audiences, including the exciting opportunity to open for They Might Be Giants for a few shows. But all that travel time and road food and T-shirt counting tires me out. I have been resting.

As I keep saying in interviews, “Whine whine, success is a terrible burden, etc.” I was as surprised as anyone when Thing a Week started generating audiences and income, and the last few years have been about sorting that out: figuring out how to play live and tour, tweaking the business side of things, counting huge stacks of cash, finding a decent helipad maintenance team, the usual. There hasn’t been a lot of song writing, which is supposedly a large part of my job. I understand now why bands tour for a while and then stop so they can write the next record – it’s very hard to write anywhere near a tour, especially when you’re running everything yourself. Sometimes I feel more like a traveling salesman than a musician.

So I’m going to keep a much lighter tour schedule for a while, and I’m going to really buckle down and make some music. For serious this time. Not even jocoserious, I’m talking SERIOUS serious. In fact, I am currently working on a thrilling super-secret project, and if it comes together I’ll be able to talk about it very soon. I’m slightly terrified about it, which means it’s probably the right thing to do. And it will involve lots of new music and creative stretching and growing, which is something I desperately need if I’m going to stay engaged and satisfied and relevant. Thing a Week was excruciating, but I miss it. I’m ready for The Next Project, and I think I finally know what it is.

So that’s why it’s been quiet around here, and I promise it’s going to get less quiet soon. In the meantime, thanks for your patience and continued support.

P.S. Does anybody know how to write songs?

And it’s not just me, there’s going to be a lot of great stuff in there. I’ll quote the press release, because I find it hilarious to read my name in this list:

There are currently more than 100 songs available for purchase in the Rock Band Network Music Store from artists including The Shins, The Hold Steady, The Main Drag, Bang Camaro, of Montreal, Jonathan Coulton, Skeleton Witch, 3 Inches of Blood, Lacuna Coil, Stroke 9, and Steve Vai*. There are more than 300 artists in the RBN pipeline, with additional tracks already on the way from Flight of the Conchords, The Smashing Pumpkins, Twin Atlantic, All That Remains, Clutch, Prong, The Gaslight Anthem and many more coming soon.

Right next to Skeleton Witch!

Anyway, enjoy. I’m really excited about it – yet another way for smaller fish to play in the big pond. Viva la revolucion!