Six Word Memoir
UPDATE: So many great ideas, it’s hard to pick just one six-word memoir. I think I should have six six-word memoirs, that should be a thing. There is one that has become my favorite because it makes me laugh out loud, and it also captures a little bit of that “I am unable or unwilling to be a grown-up and have a real job” feeling. “For sale: adult shoes, never worn.” It’s a reference to Hemingway’s six-word story, “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” (which may or may not be real but is famous anyway). It was submitted by Tim Canny, who, if he will email me a mailing address, will receive a free DVD from me. Thanks everyone for thinking on it, this was a lot of fun.
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The coffee shop I frequent here in Brooklyn is filled with lots of other people who are, like me, using it as an office. I can’t imagine the work that everyone else is doing is quite as important as my own work, which is mostly avoiding the OTHER work that I have to do, but they all seem pretty busy. There is one person in particular who is always there before I arrive and after I leave, and who does not seem to be merely reloading Twitter every couple of minutes. In fact he is working on his media empire: you may know it as SmithMag, and that might be because you have heard of the Six Word Memoir. This fellow and I – let’s call him “Larry Smith” – Larry Smith and I were talking about the Six Word Memoir and he suggested I contribute one for his book about same. Let me tell you, it’s hard. Just take a look at the ones that people have submitted, some of them are sort of brilliant. In its perfect form, it’s kind of like the punchline of a joke, where something very small and specific suddenly expands in your mind to sum up a life story. OK, now do that for your own life. Actually, stop, do it for mine instead.
I asked Twitter to help me out on this and got some great responses. From a quick scan, here are some of my favorites:
@meaghano: Sorry didn’t get to this sooner.
@awryone: Should have left that pimple alone.
@mehuman: Already peaked with song from portal.
@petersagal: Vanished after failing as IT professional.
@aaronfever: I need someone to work merchandise.
@colleenky: Should not be trusted with cats.
@paulandstorm: Paul and Storm just won’t leave. (Note how even MY six word memoir is somehow ABOUT THEM.)
@unmodisch: Internet pioneer, domesticated money-pooping cow.
also @paulandstorm: Dear Internet: thanks for…well, everything.
@marmotry: Liked cold baths with Angela Lansbury.
also @unmodisch: Phase one: music. Phase three: profit!
@scottknaster: Couldn’t write own six word memoir.
And they continue to trickle in. Boy do I love the hive mind! Since I don’t want the blog readers who are not on Twitter to miss out on the fun, I’ll take suggestions here in the comments as well. A couple of things I didn’t know until I started getting suggestions: I probably will avoid using my own lyrics for this, and ideally this will not be about me being dead. Though it’s only six words, it would be nice to somehow capture the collaborative nature of my rise to online semi-celebrity, by which I mean that while I owe the internet plenty already, it would be fun and appropriate if you also did this work for me. By Tuesday.
OK, back to tweeting about sandwiches and pretending to be on vacation.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:11 pm
He sang. His goal? We laughed.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:21 pm
Forget conclusions, I reject your premise.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Hmmm, actually, I think that ended up being my S.W.D.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Was cut off on morning show.
July 9th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Best Musically Awesome Internet Boyfriend Ever
July 9th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
Thing a week worked out well.
(it’s a shame you won’t use your lyrics — “This Job Fulfilling in Creative Way” is pretty fantastic.)
July 9th, 2009 at 3:27 pm
Zombies, monkeys, and robots. Oh my!
July 9th, 2009 at 3:38 pm
Once had bad sandwich in Iowa.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
Learned indie music rocks the Internet.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Frustrated geek. His muse must speak.
July 9th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
From my Twitter:
Can only fight ninja on weekdays.
Wrote some songs, conquered all sadness.
Once, Batman said “_I_ respect _you._”
New one:
Proved Robots could be our friends.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
New York Times: He’s Shaggily Handsome.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Bearded acoustic geekery somehow spectacularly awesome.
OR
Acoustic auteur always apprehensive about alliteration.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
He’s eating brains with Jesus now.
July 9th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Husband, daddy, internet geek rock star.
Gotta go with whats important after all…
July 9th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Introduced to Chuy’s during Texas visit.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Yeah, pity you’re reluctant to use lyrics
“Making a note here: Huge Success” pretty much sums everything up nicely
“I should have syndicated Monkey Shines”
July 9th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
I need more than six words.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Code Monkey leave, become Internet rockstar.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:30 pm
Was really Jim Henson’s lost muppet!
July 9th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
Looking back it makes perfect sense.
July 9th, 2009 at 5:56 pm
Hodgman’s greatest discovery, feral no more.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:14 pm
Seriously – ask for what you want.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:22 pm
Playing out to commercial – my specialty.
July 9th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Half Pony, Half Monkey, very pleasing.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
Made Internet busking a business model.
Wife supported crazy idea, thank God.
Poster child for the wired meritocracy.
Songs were free; fans paid anyway.
Sorry, RIAA; talent is still enough.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:16 pm
Quit job to live my dream.
The Internet is a powerful tool.
People should choose to buy music.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Wait, scratch that last one. Wrong guy.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Geeky songs plus internet equal superstar.
internet
(This should be geeky + songs –> superstar, but that doesn’t fit the form.)
OK, I’ll stop now.
July 9th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
(Ack, I was afraid that the formatting wouldn’t work. “Internet” should be a catalyst over the yield sign. I have no html fu.)
July 9th, 2009 at 7:31 pm
My God It’s Full of Stars
July 9th, 2009 at 8:02 pm
Hive mind swallowed, enjoyed and regurgitated.
July 9th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
Jonathan Coulton is Tired of Monkeys
July 9th, 2009 at 9:24 pm
No panties have been thrown. THWOP!
July 9th, 2009 at 9:39 pm
Humility is a farce. I rock!
July 9th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
So crazy- it just might work.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:03 pm
JoAnn’s is the best.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Here are few from my twitter feed they all suck but I wanted to have them in two places to show my ineptitude in its full glory.
Finding creative ways to avoid work.
Mad-Scientists, geeks have anthems too.
Sweet Crap! It worked! It worked!
Successfully avoided work. Conquered the Internet
Harbors an unnatural love of sandwiches
Yes! The Internet loves me back
sang songs. Cow pooped. Ate sandwiches.
my life the Internet love affair.
There is the distinct possibility that have of these describe me more than JoCo.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Some fans confused: MEMOIRS, not epitaphs!
July 9th, 2009 at 10:41 pm
No lyrics… monkeyszombiesmadscientiststomcruiseflikrmaymandelbrotbaseballpresidentsandstrollers are all OUT!
See your monkey, raise three zombies.
Write memoir later… too busy recording!
Does JoCo plus copper equal Cujo?
The sixth sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick. (SOMEONE had to do that one…)
Six word memoirs may cause brevity.
Pancakes, eggs, and… wait, that’s HoJo.
Mathematics majors count on Jonathan Coulton’s music.
We all are the corporate ashtrays. **
** OK, a little backstory on this one, but hopefully JoCo types might find it mildly interesting… a friend of mine wrote a program that mixes up phrases from various text documents you feed it, to create some very odd and often amusing new passages. Usually works best when you combine a serious/news type story with something really inane or funny. When he sent me the program, the above phrase was one of his favorite examples, created by combining a press release from some random major corporation and a news article about stop-smoking therapy.
July 9th, 2009 at 10:52 pm
Think “Jim Henson’s Warren Zevon Babies.”
Some rights reserved (otherwise go nuts).
“Suck it yet again, Old Media!”
July 9th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
I don’t need six words. Monkeys!!!
July 10th, 2009 at 3:42 am
Even the french have a fanclub.
To basically show that you’re an international celebrity even in countries were they don’t speak your language.
July 10th, 2009 at 5:25 am
Awww, thanks Zach!
July 10th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Would like to perform at J&R.
(That one is not so much a memoir as it is a not-so-subtle hint to JoCo.)
July 10th, 2009 at 7:23 am
Some variation on these:
Created new life (not just baby)
Created new life, rethought/reinvented old one.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:34 am
Quits: Connection reset by Zombies
July 10th, 2009 at 8:29 am
“Damn imaginary ninjas… got my keys.”
July 10th, 2009 at 8:53 am
Some of these are really great – thank you everyone. I got a little distracted yesterday with making up bad first draft movie lines on twitter, but I think there are a few nice options here. Though now I realize:
The internet helped me write this.
July 10th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I’m not alone during couple’s skate.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:39 am
Here’s the secret to .
July 10th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Here’s the secret to -message redacted-.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:41 am
wordpress actually redacted my first message redacted.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Well, a few are breaking the no lyrics rule (or at least one interpretation of it):
“Met Bob, from down the hall”
“Liked big butts, could not lie”
“Not dead, just installing new servos”
“Jonathan Coulton: Bearded for *your* pleasure”
“Jonathan Coulton: Soft Rocked to death”
“Here lies King of the Geeks” (http://www.flickr.com/photos/jawboneradio/2811323543/)
“Imprisioned: Brookline. Send Nuts and Wine.”
“Robot Council problems – Banished to Asteroid”
Aaaaand I’m spent.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:12 am
Square peg, Round hole, try anyway.
July 10th, 2009 at 10:32 am
For Sale: Adult shoes. Never worn.
July 10th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
“Not your father’s Internet Rock Star.”
July 10th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
“Can I play the Mac now?”
July 10th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
“This one’s not about you @paulandstorm:”
July 10th, 2009 at 1:31 pm
what pretending to be on vaction either your on vaction or not decide
July 10th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
For sale: Jonathan’s razor. Never used.
Finally played ‘Presidents’ without blowing it.
July 10th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Hello Jonathan;
The first I have already submitted to the six word memoirs site:
Universal creations require space to create.
This one I created via your request:
Opened portal entered Networld creating history.
Be well;
Nytsky
July 10th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
“I get paid for this? Really?” (”this” could also be replaced with “music.”)
“Rejected software programming, play music instead.”
“Total strangers know my life’s story.”
OK, that last one’s gotta be a bit freaky.
July 10th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
Beard. Beard beard. Beard beard beard.
July 10th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
“Code monkey get up, get coffee.”
“Doing science and I’m still alive.”
July 10th, 2009 at 11:29 pm
“I’m an internet celebrity… suck it!”
July 10th, 2009 at 11:30 pm
“Needs to write new songs… soon”
Not to rag on ya, but… damn. I need more musical nerdery! MC Frontalot can only fill in for so long…
July 10th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
“I’M IN UR HOUSE EATING SANDWICHES!”
July 11th, 2009 at 3:00 am
Quit job to work from closet.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:12 am
Conquered the world through Warcraft videos.
July 11th, 2009 at 11:59 am
Nescient of you, until smithmag. Youtube.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:01 pm
Hopefully I made the right decision.
July 11th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
Patented zombie monkey robot music ONLINE.
[pity the analog n00bs who failed to stake a claim...]
July 12th, 2009 at 12:31 am
Infatuated with simians and the profane.
July 12th, 2009 at 2:41 am
JoCo: Helped me pass Social Studies.
July 12th, 2009 at 6:41 am
Dan Fogelberg would have been proud.
July 12th, 2009 at 8:33 am
The cake is not a lie
its a sweet chant from the live cd. wish there were more songs about cake
July 12th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
I wanted only five words. Forklift
July 12th, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Up with the large wooden badgers
July 12th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Coffee and donuts by my shoes.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Lost my mind in Kentucky, help?
July 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
The betting odds say I die.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:08 pm
Brains are useful in most cases.
July 12th, 2009 at 5:09 pm
How many ideas does lavacano201014 have?
(There’s my last one)
July 12th, 2009 at 8:12 pm
Kayla Neff’s Suggestion actually describes me too. I had to write an essay about American Involvement in Vietnam from 1957 to 1975, so I sang WashyAdJeffy to think of who was president in the late fifties. Eisenhower kept the commies well in hand.
And here’s another suggestion:
Write Nerdy Music, Question Mark. Profit!
July 12th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Just like Raffi with swear words.
July 12th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
Creative Commons made me almost rich.
July 12th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
“seen his monkey, now show yours”
July 13th, 2009 at 4:33 am
No song can not be written
July 13th, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Closet, computer, microphone, internet, zombies, success!
July 13th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Patron Saint of Netterwebs: “Beardy McInternet”
July 14th, 2009 at 11:20 am
I’ve got it:
“Monster from closet last seen online.”
July 14th, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Here’s another:
“Dissonant troubadour finds support group online.”
I’m supposed to be on vacation too….anyone else using some well-earned time off to follow cupcake week on Martha Stuart Living…..?
July 14th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Hemmingway rip off, real original sucka
July 14th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
No, did not write “Skipper Dan”
July 14th, 2009 at 9:54 pm
“The Internet helped me write this.” — Substitute “with” for “write”, and it can refer to more than just the SWM: “The Internet helped me with this.” Yay ambiguity!
July 14th, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Gives away milk and sells cows.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Your choice of six word memoirs:
* ALL MY PAIN IN DANCEABLE FORM
* MONKEYS. IT WAS THE DAMN MONKEYS.
* CHECKING EMAIL — STILL AWAITING ROBOT OVERLORDS.
* SUPER-VILLIANY FAILED; BETTER LUCK WITH MUSIC.
* NERD I WAS; KING NERD NOW.
July 16th, 2009 at 2:55 am
Sad songs about evils makes money.
July 16th, 2009 at 2:59 am
Being an evil genius sympathizer rocks.
July 16th, 2009 at 9:46 am
Feral monkey fan sings, wins internet.
July 16th, 2009 at 10:38 am
“….at night, the ice weasels come….”
July 17th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Geeks steal music, “Creative Commons” redundant.
July 17th, 2009 at 9:02 pm
dang, I wish it was 7 words.
ALL YOUR TUNES, ARE BELONG TO US.
July 19th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Here are a few. Not very good, but hey, I tried.
“Music from unique points of view.”
“Creative Commons, but far from common.”
“Jonathan Coulton: Now with sad vampires!”
“The mad scientist of folk music.”
“Why stop at just six words?”
Borderline lyrics option:
“Baby got back on a jetplane.”
July 19th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Not me, it was my monkey
July 19th, 2009 at 7:54 pm
A man, an artist, a fool.
July 19th, 2009 at 11:06 pm
Did no one pick:
“This monkey shines wherever it goes”?
July 20th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Ooh, how ’bout “Snails are Fibonacci’s mollusk of choice”!
July 20th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Found Fame Bringing Reason to Rhyme
July 21st, 2009 at 12:39 pm
‘Still regretting never learning to count properly.”
July 22nd, 2009 at 9:30 am
“Lots of laughs; mostly my expense.”
July 23rd, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Maybe I used too many monkeys.
July 25th, 2009 at 12:15 am
“With big warm fuzzy secret heart”
Or
“Code Monkey just waiting for now”
July 25th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
The internet is, therefore I am.
July 27th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Jonathan Coulton: eats shoots and leaves.
Free music, comedy, and Creative Commons
Money for nothin’, monkeys for free.
Thought about self while baby born.
Everybody loves monkeys … and robots too.
Prosthelytizes free art, really just poor.
Geeky male teen angst really sells.
Visual Basic sucks, geeky songs rule.
Come on muse, more office jokes!
One week, one song, one dollar.
July 31st, 2009 at 6:30 am
I wrote songs about monkeys.
August 2nd, 2009 at 6:46 am
There’s monkey shines wherever you go.
August 8th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Well, OK…but no eyes, right?
August 8th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Re: your eyes: I lied. Tasty.
August 8th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Do three hyphenated words count? They-should.
August 13th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Seeing as how you were a programmer and then became a full-time musician and I’m a full-time programmer that is also a musician, my 6-word legacy could work for you as well:
geek by day, rockstar by night
August 19th, 2009 at 11:44 pm
Still Alive. Still Alive? Still ALIVE!
(Does that count as 6 words?)
September 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
Geeks gone viral. I’m the man.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Awe-inspiring master of extrapolative folk.
(Folk tunes? Folk brains? You decide.)
– CJH / esper
October 26th, 2009 at 9:00 am
Still waiting on my DVD!
Should I resend my mailing address?
October 26th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Wake me up when September ends
November 2nd, 2009 at 2:27 pm
I’m a little late for this, but here’s my entry:
The best in terms of pants.